#’s 59-49

Can you feel that excitment in the air?  The tension is thick, like a fat person.   (i was always real good at similes)

This is, of course, another section of the notorious list.  Jim helped. 

#59- Sinead O’Connor

Jim says, “Nothing compares 2 U in suckiness.  Well, except maybe Cher.”

It scares me when anyone is that motivated.  Feels unnatural.  That’s why I prefer my public figures lazy and bored.   You know who else scares me?  The Irish. 

#58- Hanson

Jim says, “It must be rough to lose a shot at legitimacy when you’re 8.”

I didn’t realize that Michelle Trachtenburg ()was in Hanson.  If you remember, Hanson sang a song entitled “MMbop”, K284.  (I just hope at least ONE person gets that.)  They talked about a rose during it or something.  Well, some green-screen dude decided they would be nice and twisted and threw up a big picture of a purple and yellow pansy behind them.  My hand to Thor, it was a pansy.  Knowing it was pansy, however, is nowhere near as gay as they are, so don’t even try it.  

#57- Michael Flatley

Jim says, “Lord of the Douche.”

Have you ever wondered where your Vaseline went? 

#56- Mouseketeers

Jim says, “For giving us the likes of Justin Timberlake.  And Annette Funicello.”

That’s right, all.  They made it onto the list too.  But apparently, individually, they are nowhere near as shittastic as the sum of their parts.  Even including former members such as Christina, Britney, Felicity (long hair), and Ryan Gosling (Who the f?), they are still worse in a pack. 

#55- O.J.

Jim says, “The murderer, not the juice.”

Let’s all remember the real victims here.  Me.  Screw OJ, A.C. Cowlings was my hero, and that was STOLEN away from adolescent me unjustly.  I can never look at a White Bronco again without my pancrea twitching. 

#54- People Who Don’t Turn Right On Red

Jim says, “Move, bitch, get out the way.”

I found this person trying to justify herself.  I don’t think so.  If you won’t pussy up and effing turn, then you deserve to be honked at.  No, you deserve to be honked.  I’m not sure what I mean by that, but take that! ()  I have to calm down; I’m feeling nearly as mustered as Sinead up there.  Where’d you hide my Xanax. 

#53- Phil Donahue

Jim says, “At least he’s not Geraldo.”

I never knew why I hated this guy, until I realized his birthplace: OHIO!  Eeeww.  Also, what’s worse in this picture, Phil’s Specs or Oprah’s follicle tribute to the Rutger’s Woman’s Basketball team?

#52- V.U.P.D.

Jim says, “Substitute your own lame-ass rent-a-cops here.”

They would arrest you for walking home drunk.  I’m just saying.  Arresting walking drunk people is NOT a good way to deter drunk driving.  Seems logical, huh?  Also, no one has EVER been as horny to give out parking tickets.  Ever. 

#51- Abercrombie and Fitch

Jim says, “Abercrombie and F*ck.”

Although I hate Hollister much more for copying these asstards, I just don’t understand how people can spend that much money on clothes.  I get everything I need at Dollar General or out of that giant mail box-like thing out in front of the grocery store. 

#50- Eczema

Jim says, “It sounds awful even if it weren’t a gross skin condition.”

This one really hits home.  You know who’s even LESS cool than the kid who’s allergic to eggs, milk, and wheat, AND has wicked Asthma?  The kid who’s got all that AND painful foot eczema.  Good thing I never knew anyone like that.  Would’ve kicked his ass.

#49- Jeff Gillooly

 

Jim says, “With a name like Gilooly, it has to be a f*ck!”

Unlike Tanya, at least he got his job done.  Something to be said for a strong work ethic nowadays. 

It’s true!  I’ve been posting like crazy lately.  Don’t get used to it.