On Nelly

Nelly (or Cornell Haynes Jr.) is from St. Louis.  Strike 1, 2, and 3.  Blech.  So today, I’ve hated on Ireland (only a little), Ohio (yikes), and St. Louis.  The Michigan Dutchman’s Trifecta.  The day is complete and it’s only 9:56! 

I like rap.  I really do.  I know, I also like opera.  It’s okay!  That’s just how I roll.  Also, I should say I like Nelly’s songs.  Quite a bit.  However, after the posting from The List, about #255, Mags Thatcher, I quickly realized that his lyrics are simply ludicrous.  It’s just like a horny junior high kid trying to make things (sort of) rhyme.  Below, I’ve amassed a few selections for your perusal.  I hope you enjoy them for their youthful simplicity, their urban squalor, and their rampant misogyny!  Hooray–rampant misogyny! 

First, from the song, “The Gank.”  And I quote: 

I‘ve never felt this way before
and she’s all that I need and more
Her hips and what’s below I need
It often wakes me right out my dreams
If I knew that what I knew now…
she still might be around! 

How sweet.  Want some more?  Okay….., from the song, “Pimp Juice.”  And I quote: 

Cause you wanna put your feet on my rug, don’tcha?
You really wanna put your feet on my rug, don’tcha?
You’re in a hurry – SLOW DOWN – and I might letcha touch it
You ain’t from
Russia, so bitch why you Russian? 
Cause you wanna put your feet on my rug, don’tcha?
You really wanna put your feet on my rug, don’tcha?
You’re in a hurry – SLOW DOWN – I don’t like how you actin
Treat you like you’re from
Milwaukee, send you Green Bay Packin 

Those are some good similes!  I feel like I’m in a 6th grade Language Arts class!  Where’s Mrs. Murray?  Now from the classic, “Spida Man.”  And I quote: 

You hear a KNOCK KNOCK, who is it that’s, payin a visit
She’s, goin ballistic while he’s, sippin on her Mystic
Whoa, it’s the exquisite one named Mo, or short for Moses
I think I’ll go back to countin my money now 

Genious!  And my favourite, from the tune, “Pretty Toes.”  And I quote: 

I need that one that’ll make ya heart stop when you see her
She can get a pick of the ‘Llac or the Modena
I’ll give it all from two to fo’-seaters
It ain’t gotta be Halloween, I’m +trickin+ just to +treat+ her
Jealousy in the urr – other girls wanna be her
She young right now, she’s an up-and-comin diva
She ain’t gotta measure up, but she gotta be off the meter
But if I can dance with Cindy, I can dance with Shaquita
Cause I know I can, I shall, I will
I feels I can, I felt
I plays with a whole lotta mil’s
You ain’t talkin ’bout nothin if you ain’t talkin ’bout dollar bills (hey!)
Shorty glow shine, so fine, you gotta keep her (hey!)
Pretty toed, half Black, half senorita (hey!)
Coochie so good, make it hard for you to leave her
I’m a playa so even if I’m losin I never cheat her, uhh 

Well done, Sir Nelly!  Impressive work! I especially like your willingness to share your love with “hoes” of all races!  That’s some affirmative action, people!   But yes, for some reason, if a Nelly song come on Power 92 , I would not change the channel.  I’m such a sell-out.                                  



Published in: on 17 March 2006 at 4*09 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. I love Nelly like a fat kid loves cake! Oh, wait, that’s Fitty. Either way that’s some good shizzle up in herre!

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