#’s 235-225

Here’s more!  Remember, this is a consolidated list of less than desirables from the minds of myself and Jimberly , my college roommate.  For more details, see “The List” ‘Prologue’.  Like Jell-o, there’s always room for some more F’s!

#235- P.E.T.A.

Jim says, “I’m all for treating animals ethically, but you people are F’ing insane!”

Amen, Jimbo.  That website says it all.  Well, I suppose not it all, but somethings.  Or is it some things?  I digress…..it does say a quote I enjoy, “If we weren’t meant to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?”  Come on, that’s funny. 

#234- Punky Brewster

Jim says, “Who played Punky Brewster?  Was it Soleil Moon-Frye?  She’s hot.  Punky Brewster was a twat.”

Oh!  Rhyming!  Someone’s not feeling the Punky Power!  I did learn some important lessons from Punky Brewster-particularly that when called on to play hide-and-go-seek , that I should not choose broken down, abondoned refrigerators as temporary havens.  Not a good choice!  (You know that’s the only one you remember….) Overall though, Punky could never approach the kind of life-long lessons I learned from Vicki the Robot on Small Wonder

#233- Ryan Phillippe

Jim says, “First of all, look at the smug bastard.  And then realize that he goes home to Reese Witherspoon.  And then laugh that she won an Oscar, and he’s the star of Cruel Intentions.”

True, Jim.  The picture of him at the 1st link is enough.  Seriously, check that crap out.  And what kind of name is “Phillippe”?  Yuck.  But since I have a chance to talk about Reese Witherspoon, I will share a joke that I heard first from my Uncle-in-law’s long-time girlfriend.  And I quote:

“UILLTG-Did you hear about that actress that stabbed her husband with a fork? I think it was Reese something….reese….

“OTHER PERSON-Oh, um, Witherspoon!

“UILLTG-No, with a fork!”

Okay, it doesn’t seem that funny written down, but I swear I nearly wet myself when it happened. 

#232- The Hinsdale Oasis

Jim says, “Slightly improved by the fact that it’s actually open now.  But still F-alicious.”

I used to be so excited by the oases growing up on our trips through Chicago from Grand Rapids to Sheyboygan.  It was so neat!  Then I started to realize that they were really gross.  Then one sordid night, I had to call my mother with our home 1-800 number to ask her to call my girlfriend’s cell (my wife now!  I win!) who then had to call my mom back who I had to then call again from the 1-800 number to see if my wife was at her aunt’s house still.  That event alone ruined the Hinsdale Oasis for me.  I’m sure you all have a very similar story of bad things that happened there.  It’s like a vortex.  Furthermore, check this out.  Who knew anyone cared that damn much about the oases besides me!?

#231- The Inventor of Ben-Gay(tm)

Jim says, “What exactly were you thinking?”

I don’t know if I believe the stories from that link, but I guess if so, that explains it.  Still, it reminds me so much of my friend Lenny from Elementary School saying, “Ben-Gay?  I’m still gay!”  A real knee-slapper, that Lenny.  We also used to give his hampsters remote control truck rides.  Fun times. 

(he’s not really gay.)

#230- Cecil Fielder

Jim says, “Not nearly as cool as other notable fat-ass 1st basemen John ‘Uni-Nut’ Kruk or Mo ‘I Want To Eat Your Baby’ Vaughn.”

Oh, how I loved Cecil Fielder growing up a young Tigers fan.  Wait, I never watched baseball growing up?  Oh, then F it.  If you’re not Sweet Baby Lou Whitaker, then I don’t care.  Plus, he was a DH, which is enough reason to hate anyone. 

#229- Orgy

Jim says, “Both the band and the event.”

I hope someone brought some anti-bacterial hand stuff.  Gross.  Conversely, who covers Blue Oyster Cult with less cowbell?  Poor choice, my friends, poor choice. 

#228- Alfonso Ribeiro

Jim says, “Carlton, you douche.”

Remember the Tom Jones dance?  How could anyone forget.  That little sing-along was like the ‘Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show’ of my day.  Plus, I think he dated Rudy Huxtable later in life.  For which I was insanely jealous.  Well, jealous in retrosepct back to when I (and Rudy) were both 7 or whatever.

#227- Darryl Strawberry

Jim says, “Just think, if you’d played for the Cowboys, you’d have been a Hall-of-Famer.”

What a fruit!  (you see what i did there….his last name is a fruit.  Get it?  genious)  Also, I still hold the Mets in disregard from 1969.  My wife will say I can’t be mad at them because I just recently took the Cubs under my wing, but I still am.  Plus, Ron Santo rules!

#226- Sam Donaldson

Jim says, “You wish you were Tom Brokaw.  But instead you’re a lying sack of shit.”

Zing!  I just as a rule have a hard time with smarmy people.  Plus did you know that one of his ‘ranchhands’ killed the rest of his family on the premises of the Donaldson ranch?  (not Sam’s family, the hands’s’s family…else you’d probably have heard about it…)  I will have everyone know that before writing this bit, I almost pulled it from the list because I felt bad that he was dead.  (he’s not)

#225- Bette Midler

Jim says, “I wish she would fight Barbra Streisand to the death.  And that they would both die.”

Ooooh, Bette Midler’s always had a dark cloud over her in my mind, thanks to my Mom exclaiming that she doesn’t understand “how she can sing that sad song with a smile on her damn face!!!  Doesn’t she get it?!?”  (see, “Wind Beneath My Wings”, Beaches)

“OOOOOOHHHHH, INDUSTRY!!!!!!!!!”

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Published in: on 22 March 2006 at 4*41 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. In the continuing tradition of me chiming in:
    ~My comment for Sam Donaldson was really more made in reference to Dan Rather. When you’re running down a list of 300 f’s, things can get a little blurry. Later on in the list I confuse John Smith (banged Pocahontas) with Joseph Smith (insane founder of Mormonism). Good times!
    ~I really didn’t mean to rhyme the Punky Brewster line. I was just really excited to rediscover the word “twat”. Try it out some time. It’s heavenly.
    ~When we first named the Hinsdale Oasis to the list of F’s, we later realized that the f’ing oasis in question was the Lincoln Oasis. See clarification for Donaldson.
    ~How in God’s name is Sam Donaldson more smarmy than Greg Kinnear (whom you defended previously?)??? Incidentally, Greg Kinnear really seems to be taking it in the ass from these clarification comments…just like he took it last night!
    ~Your Cubs fan posing is even more disturbing than your Lutheran posing. Nonetheless, Ron Santo does rule.

  2. First off, it’s okay that you weren’t raised a Cubs fan. And isn’t she just happy that you don’t like the Cardinals or something considering the Packers debacle?

    Also, Alan Trammel kicks ass. That’s all.

  3. makes you think doesn’t it


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