#’s 224-214

It's been a while my friends, but it is that time again.  Time to continue listing off the world's blunders.  See The Prologue for more information about today's installment.  Thank you one and all.  (go visit Jim's site; it's funny.)  Without any further ado…….

#224- NKOTB

Jim says, "Like New Edition, only white.  Really, really white."

Ahh, NKOTB.  This makes me think of two things.  1, how our friend Nursten still has the oversize "I heart Donnie" (or joey, I can't recall) with a giant X through it, showing apparently either distress after the group's break-up, or a societal pressure urging her to move on.  Either way, it's funny because it's still there. 

2ndly, my friend Joaquin's mom one day let his sister G paint the unfinished walls of their basement with whatever paraphernalia she desired.  Unfortunately for us, it was all about her love for the NKOTB and we were forever banished to a nintendo chamber with New Kids graffiti-something we were obviously too cool for. 

#223- Paul Shaffer

Jim says, "You wish you were Kevin Eubanks."

Personally, my problems stem from my jealousy.  He obviously knows what he is doing to some extent because all he does is flail around like a drunken fish.  Somehow, however, the band is always good.  Bastard. 

#222- Elijah Woods and Macaulay Culkin

Jim says, "Once indistinguishable, how'd you like to be Macaulay now?  Elijah made billions on the stupid 'Rings' movies and the best actor in the Culkin family is clearly his brother."

Dude, you're so right, Kieran Culkin rules.  Okay not necessarily rules, but doesn't suck so bad.  Okay, well kind of.  Anyway, I just saw Macaulay on some morning show or something promoting his new book, and he was super creepy!  He's so old and gross and molesterey…(aside–'molesterey' sounds like a name that Handbag would certainly enjoy…nice and yuppy….just spell it like 'Mo'lystyreeee'.  Ahh, whimsy…) And I personally hate "Lord of the Rings", so Elijah Woods is therefore a waste to me as well!  Take 'em all out!  Sayonara, suckers….

#221- Howard Stern

Jim says, "You are a stain on humanity.  Free speech shouldn't apply to assholes of this magnitude."

Zing!  Yeah, some things are just too much.  I think if anything the "Anal Ring Toss" pushed things over the edge.  Then again, maybe we all need just a bit more "Anal Ring Toss" in our lives.  Something to think about…..

#220- Jerry Krause

Jim says, "Five?  Five?!?  This man single-handedly dismantled the greatest basketball team of all time! F that.  Jerry Krause, you are a 10!"

Let me clarify, when we ranked these F-ers, it was with a number system.  Our friend Jim was a little TOO against Jerry Krause with caused some people to retaliate and undercut Jimmie's most hated sports GM type person.  Personally, I didn't even know who Jerry Krause was until Jim informed me.  For my $.50, no one in basketball is worse than Chris "Time-Out" Webber.  Asshole.

#219- Mary Carillo

Jim says, "I don't know who decided some washed-up tennis player was qualified to cover every sporting event NBC broadcasts, but there as big an F as she is."

OOOOOH, this one was all me.  Mary Carillo is my Jerry Krause.  She is revolting!  If you don't know who she is, watch tennis some time on TV…you hear that man commentator?  That's her.  She is annoying and mean and weird and ugly and cold.  OOOOH…..I'm shaking.  Yuck.  I hate her more than ketchup, which anyone who knows me will tell you that that's huge.  Or as the Trump would say, "Yuge."  Yuck.  Oh yeah, Mary Carillo sucks.

#218- Patrick Roy

Jim says, "French-Candian F"

Indeed.  I know and hope sincerely that my Sister-in-Law; will weigh in on this one.  He royally sucks, and she will point that out to you quite carefully.  I just think that his insisting to be pronounced "Pat-REEK ruh-WAH" is ludicrous and I have an effing French minor. 

#217- RuPaul

Jim says, "I get it, you're a dude.  Now go away, you ugly F."

When did we get to a place where just being weird was enough to make you famous?  And I'm not knocking on the transgendered's, yo.  This dude's just downright weird!  I don't know where else to go with this…I'm pretty spent.  Although, speaking of baby names, I'm sure it's not long until the RuPaul's of the world dethrone the McKenzie's and the Madison's (as if any of them spell their names those ways anymore….).  I live for that day. 

#216- Aaron Neville

Jim says, "Never have I wished more that someone were not from
New Orleans.  Then maybe I wouldn't have to see/hear his freak ass E-e-e-e-e-e-v-v-v-v-e-e-e-r-r-r-r-y-y-y-w-w-w-w-w-h-h-h-h-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-r-r-r-r-r-e-e-e-e!"

Aaron Neville blows.  Who honestly sings like that? "Si-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-li-hi-hi-hi-nt  Nigh-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hight…"  And dude better lay off the cocoa butter, he's gonna end up like a Raisinette in the sweaty hand of a fat construction worker-greasy and no good.  Go to the link at his name up there too, it's pretty funny. 

#215- Bill Keane(Family Circus)

Jim says, "The worst comic strip this side of 'Cathy'."

Did anyone ever stop and realize that the Family Circus is downright not funny?  No, no they didn't.  Or else, it wouldn't still be in the damn papers.  Come on people. Seriously?  You can't bring it any stronger?  Damn it, I need funny!  You're funny like Carrot Top, and that's no funny I need.

#214- Candice Miller

Jim says, "Really, anyone from Michigan, but she'll do."

Ouch, Jimby.  That hurts.  We all say "Yes!" to Michigan, dammit.  But for those of you not in the know, Candice Miller was the bitch Secretary of State for Michigan, who ruined a lot of things.  She wasn't solely responsible for the new 'graduated driver's licensing' program (which I was the first group to go through…like hell……), but her face is on the wall at the damn SOS's office, and that's enough reason to curse anyone.  Except for Terri Land.  She rules, because my dad knows her.  Love you, Terri!

BTW, Michigan fans, if you haven't realized, Candice Miller is now a representative for the state.  Choke that down with some pasties.  (not what you think, unless you're from MI, then yes, what you think…)

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Published in: on 29 March 2006 at 5*39 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Ha! I narrowly missed the graduated licensing program. Because I am old.

    I shall refrain from commenting on Patrick Roy, because I cannot do so without using the severe language that you have decided to avoid. We shall just say: I concur. Whole-heartedly.

  2. Ummm, you’re weird…..

  3. Patrick Roy sucks. What exactly does he suck? I will get into that at a later time. When I don’t feel the need to censor myself. Although, if you’ve never gone to divealanche.com, you’d get a kick out of it. Perhaps less of a kick than a rabid hockey fan like me, but a kick nonetheless.


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