What IS the deal with The Dan Ryan?

If you don't have to deal with the Dan Ryan, then bless you.  You are a damn lucky fool.  Now, I will just say that I only have to traverse this unfortunate road every once in a while.  But it's horrible.  So here's the question, if the traffic on the road is HORRIBLE, what should the state do to fix it??  I know!  Let's start a project that will sideline THE ENTIRE SOUTH SIDE OF THE CITY AND SUBURBS WITH THE IDEA THAT SOME DAY IN THE FUTURE THAT IT MIGHT NOT SUCK AS DAMN HARD! 

Tonite begins the awful disaster.  But as I was careening down this ill-fated thoroughfare, I noticed a sign off to the side.  It said two things; 1)Please visit "avoidtheryan.com".  That's right my friends.  Typing in avoidtheryan.com will send you to the OFFICIAL I-DOT website.  The official one.  It's gonna be that bad.  B)Cars use Ashland or Stony [Island].  Are you shitting me?  That's the best option?   No damn wonder the road's always so effing busy.  Anyway, if you go here, you can see the press release that IDOT has sent to the world on suggestions for surviving these next billion years of construction.  Here are some of the juicy bits:

“Drivers of passenger vehicles should avoid the Dan Ryan entirely,” said IDOT Secretary Tim Martin. While many motorists will use public transportation or IDOT-designated alternate routes, truckers will be urged to stay on the expressway because their vehicles are too heavy for local streets. “Our message is ‘Cars Off, Trucks On,” said Martin. —-Thus confirming to all of us that the highways were never for us to begin with.  It's all shipping propoganda.  You don't need roads.  That's why all you yuppies are buying SUV's anyway, right? 

"IDOT has spent the past two years preparing the Dan Ryan corridor for the 2006 and 2007 mainline reconstruction work."  That was 'preparing'????  Seriously? 

"IDOT also improved the frontage roads adjacent to the expressway…"    No, you didn't.  You did not.  They're still gross.

"The official alternate routes are Ashland Avenue on the west for outbound passenger cars and the combination of Stony Island Avenue/South Lake Shore Drive on the east for inbound traffic. Motorists should consider using Metra, CTA or Pace."  Mmm-hmmmm.  I re-iterate, no one takes the Dan Ryan unless they HAVE to because it ALREADY SUCKS!  How on earth will this work?  I forgot that we made Stony Island an 8 lane road that can handle all this B.S. 

"By September 15, 2006, IDOT expects to open one express lane, bringing the total number of open lanes to four in each direction." Wow!  Santa's coming early!  4 lanes where there once were 7.  Yes!  Sweet Freedom!

"The Dan Ryan project has been recognized as the one of the largest green construction projects in the nation. Under the IDOT’s Clean Air Construction Initiative, heavy construction equipment on the Dan Ryan project has been retrofitted with devices designed to reduce harmful emissions or use ultra low sulfur diesel fuel (ULSD) which is significantly cleaner than regular diesel fuel. IDOT also instituted idling limits and dust controls in order to reduce construction-related air emissions." As Stephanie Tanner would say, "Pin a rose on your nose!"  At least you can be proud of that I-DON'T! (see what I did there, is turned it into a funny little glib joke.  Get it?  All with just one letter.  [pat on the back])

At least we can all have solace that the Stevenson's still traffic-less and perfect. 

Published in: on 31 March 2006 at 4*28 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Amen, brother. Also, guess how fun it will be when I go into labor at home at rush hour and we all have to take a trip to NMH via Stony Island? (You’re included in case, you know, the bar exam…)

    Oh, right. Not very much fun. I forgot.

  2. The proper one letter trick with IDOT is ID[I]OT. Duh. I don’t have to take that to get to your house do I? I can never remember which is which. I’m a bad Chicagolander. :(

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