#’s 202-192

That's right folks.  It's been awhile, but we're knocking off another 11 of these losers.  Check the Prologue for an explanation and also here for all already listed effers.  And visit Jim.  (he helped)

#202- Flock of Seagulls

Jim says, "What's worse?  The music or the hair?"

Easy Jim, the hair.  And I ran, I ran so far away…. That's a hip little tune.  And I so hope you've seen the music video, 'cause there's nothing better than some weird scandinavian dude with a tsunami of hair playing a miniature keyboard standing on a slowly rotating lazy susan in a room full of mirrors giving the camera the bedroom eyes.  Is there?  I didn't think so.  So good and yet, so frieking bad. 

#201- Bud Selig

Jim says, "I do enjoy the WBC.  However, that makes you no less of a creepy m-er f-er.  However, if you ban Barry Bonds you're officially off the list."

Well that makes one person in the world who actually cares about the WBC.  I, as a rule, do not trust anyone named 'bud'.  And don't get me wrong, I love baseball…no one is happier that the Cubs just swept the Cardinals then I, but still, his name is 'bud'.  That's creepy enough.  I say fire him and bring on Sweet Baby Lou Whitaker! The guy at the link does have a good point though, why don't you ever see Janet Reno and Bud Selig at the same time? Hmmm??

#200- Calista Flockhart

Jim says, "When are bitches going to understand that anorexia isn't hot?"

Well, there's your social commentary for you.  I do think though that Calista Flockhart is the poster child for anorexia-gone-wrong.  (although, can anorexia really go right?  no, no, no, no, no.  Chlamydia—now there's a disease that can go right! 3 cheers for chlamydia!)  Calista Flockhart is downright scary, but at least the world is rid of Ally McBeal.  If only something could be done about that strange dancing baby….

Isn't it an honor to be #200, Calista?  (because you know she'll see this!)

#199- Feminazis

Jim says, "These chicks need some serious deep [insert choice of words here that correctly finishes the familiar line from the movie, Chasing Amy]"

See Jim, I got that reference!  I'm batting .500!  I would just like to point out, (shayne) that our Vagina Monolgue-ing roomates significantly dropped feminazis down the list.  Thanks.  Why don't you open the damned door for yourselves then, equals!?!??!!?!  Okay, I love my wife and I try to do nice things for her; I'm not a chauvinist.  But she's also not a feminazi, so we do not have a problem then do we, Susan B. Anthony?!

#198- John Phillip Sousa

Jim says, "Damn you. Damn you to Hell."

If you were never in a concert band, then you may not realize just how much you hate him and his music.  It's everywhere and it's pervasively unnerving.  If you were in a concert band, then you probably understand why playing his music can sometimes be frustrating.  (repetitive, boring, etc.)  If you were in the concert band that Jim, my wife, the aforementioned Shayne, and myself were in, then you have a deep-seeded disdain for just how much damned Sousa music was CRAMMED DOWN YOUR EFFING THROAT 4 FRICKING YEARS IN A DAMNED ROW!  SOUSA MUSIC WITH SOUSA ENCORES!  MORE SOUSA!  NORTHWEST INDIANA HAS A FEVER AND THE ONLY CURE IS MORE SOUSA!  DANCE LUTHERAN MONKEYS, DANCE!!!!!!

We only had so much to give. 

#197- James Brolin

Jim says, "How do you live with being known for marrying a crazy bitch?  Ask Jimmy B.!"

Ahh, one of my favourites on The List.  So often overlooked, not only is James Brolin married to Funny Face herself, he's also a ridiculously horrible actor!  I do confess, I am secretly hoping that he'll break it off with Babs, just so he can hook it up another celebrity who's crazier than a crap-house-rat: Liza Minelli.  [scariest picture, ever] Just like this guy.  Eeeewww. 

#196- Miss Cleo

Jim says, "Call me now for your free douching."

Oh, Miss Cleo, why couldn't you be true?  Little Junior High me only wanted for your powers to be real!  And I believed in your Jamaican accent!  It was even better than Taye Diggs' in How Stella Got Her Groove Back; how could it not be real?!  Why couldn't you make it until I was only 18 so that I could get my free reading?   But no, you turned a wide-eyed young tennis star and piano prodigy into a babbling, cynical, ne'er-do-well.  How dare you.  How dare you.  Can't anything in my life, JUST BE REAL!?!?**

**those of you concerned about my life should relax.  I'm actually a lucky guy who has everything going his way.  I will, however, blame Miss Cleo for ruining my professional Tennis career.  Shut up.

#195- Pauly Shore

Jim says, "Remember when Pauly Shore tried to pass himself off as not a complete joke?  Yeah, it didn't take."

I actually don't even remember that.  I just can't imagine anyone more annoying.  Or CAN I!?!  How about him?  or herThis guy?  All right Pauly, you caught your break today. 

#194- Ron Popeil

Jim says, "I do love his knife set though.  And by knife set, I of course mean…set of knives."

I did some research people, and yes, Ron Popeil is still alive.  At least according to wikipedia.  (I don't really do research, so that's as far as I stretch.  Deal with it.  Look him up your damn selves if you don't believe me.)  It's that Juice guy with the eyebrows that kicked it.  I loved that guy.

And anyone who has stayed up late watching an infomercial for anything owes it to Ronny P. here for paving the infomercial path.  If it weren't for his Food Dehydrator, Hair-in-a-can, or my personal favourite, the 'Cap Snaffler', life as we 'know' it would not be the same.  Thank you Ron.  Thank you from the bottom of my pancreas.

#193- Shriners

Jim says, "What's creepier, the little hats or the little cars?  Does it even matter?"

Let me be the first to say that I do not mind the Shriners when they are shrining behind closed doors.  In fact, whatever they do the rest of the year affects me not.  HOWEVER, I hate parades.  Could be my rampant agoraphobia, or my many years of marching band, but for some reason, I hate parades.  And little men with funny hats careening around in tiny cars does not help anything.  You might as well be clowns.  And we all know how I feel about clowns!  [wait, we don't?  oh, I hate them.  for the record.]

#192- The Osmonds

Jim says, "There is no one less 'rock and roll' than Donny Osmond.  Plus they're Mormon."

Try telling that to Bill Paxton!  Or is it John Paxson?  I get so confused.  One of them is Mormon.  Just like Julie from the Real World.  But I don't think she's a good Mormon.  Oh well, no need to anger Brigham any more.  I just think that the Osmond's rapid descent toward nihility is amusing.  [see: Pyramid, bad face lift

Lastly, I would like to Bogart a joke from here.  No offense Jim, but I love when people write 'no one' as 'noone' now because of this website.  You SERIOUSLY should go here, because the first entry on the top of the page (making fun of someone's typing and baby naming) will make you laugh seriously out loud.  Seriously.  Damn that's good. 

Please stay tuned….only 191 left to go!!!!!

Published in: on 11 April 2006 at 3*28 pm  Comments (5)  

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  1. So many of those really are evil…I don’t know what could be worse than Miss Cleo, though. The commercials were amazing! I must agree, however, that Sousa (or really any composer of any march EVER) is on my hate list. Why can’t you F**KING make a damn march without any damn offbeats for French horns?!!??!!? You all SUCK!!! Wait, no, there was one march I sight-read one time that had 0, count ’em, 0, offbeats for me. I can’t remember the name, but needless to say, no one else besides me and the other horns actually liked it…..

  2. Oh Miss Cleo, how I miss you! Is it wrong that I got a tiny tear in my eye when you mentioned her? Back when Dr. Phil was merely a weekly guest star on Oprah, my college roommates and I would watch “Tuesdays With Phil” and the interspersed Miss Cleo commercials. Easily the most amusing hour of the week, and I’m sure that wasn’t just the weed talking.
    As for parades, don’t get me started. I have hated them since birth.

  3. I saw Flock of Seagulls perform on some TV thing recently and they really and truly sucked. And? Their entertaining hair was gone. It was just a lose-lose situation all around.

  4. Parades suck ass.

  5. I’m not sure how “Sweet Baby” is less creepy a nickname than “Bud”. I also find your obsession with Lou Whitaker quite distressing. I am in full support, however, of your obsession with chlamydia! It’s clear that I have taught you well. I only hope all you kids listening at home are learning. Chlamydia is the Rolls Royce (or Bentley for those in the hip) of venereal diseases, just ask my high school health teacher. Actual quote: “If you’re going to get an std, it should probably be chlamydia.” Incidentally, don’t you expect h.s. health teachers to be either creepy old dudes or some dried up old post-menopausal lady? Mine was young, cool and somewhat hot. I can’t decide if that made her teaching us about vaginal secretions better or worse…

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