#’s 180-170

Last Thursday, I officially had the most hits I’ve had in a day. We’re talking 50 people, baby. [depending on if you ask wordpress or statcounter…statcounter=parade raining on-ers] So, now i’m officially cocky and validated. SO, I’d like to ask a special request of you. My favourite part of writing anything is going through at the end and putting funny links in. You may have clicked on a funny comment about how gay Carson Kressley is to see this, or a comment about a 1999 cell phone to see this, or you may have just kept on reading. I may be honking my own horn here, [oooh, so sexy…] but some of these list links are just great, so please click away. Come back, of course, but go ahead and leave for a second. Plus, since I don’t REALLY believe that 50 people A DAY looked here, I think then you count twice and my overinflated ego swells even more. And with all the self-deprication a little ego (99-zig luft)ballooning isn’t all that bad, right? Anyway….go here if you don’t get what’s going on here….and without further procrastinating…WE BREAK THE TOP 170!!!!!!

#180- Tony Danza

Jim says, “Charles in Charge of my taint!”

Again, since THE LIST really formulated years ago, Mr. Danza made it without the help of his talk show featuring talking bird co-host.  It makes you wonder just where he’d end up today.

ANGELA!

#179- Anita Hill

Jim says, “I could have lived my whole life without knowing anything about Clarence Thomas’ alleged girth.  But nooooo…..”

Oh Anita Hill, thanks to you, no sexually rollicking politicians are safe.  You opened the floodgates for Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers (with a G?  seriously…), and even that Thomas Jefferson chick.  She may be long gone, but we never heard about her before Ms. Hill, did we?  Damned women’s rights exploiting the politicians we all have so much faith in.  Thanks for raining on my parade, funny girl

#178- Barbara Walters

Jim says, “Her F factor somehow finds a way to keep increasing.”

I LOVE Barbara Walters.  I’m not saying she shouldn’t be here, but I do love me some Barbara Walters.  Seriously, if it weren’t for her, then none of us would remember who Star Jones (no gastric bypass my ass, evidence: before and after) or Debbie Matenopolous or Joy Behar were.  And that would’ve been okay.  And what the hell accent is that?  It’s like a British 13-year-old married an old fat, Italian New Yorkian man.  And please interview George Clooney again….it’s just SO interesting EVERY TIME!

#177- Cher

Jim says, “What a whore.  Quite possibly the most annoying vocalist this side of Tiny Tim

Picture this scene: my future wife and I are in my dorm room, getting ready to leave for the evening, knowing that my roommate Jim was planning on bringing a girl back to the room to “show her his C.D. collection” we’ll say.  This was back in the day when Napster was free and illegal, so we, schemingly, downloaded the SHOOP SHOOP SONG as performed by CHER, (who is, possibly, the singer that I hate the most but that makes me laugh HYSTERICALLY on sight or sound.  I’m not kidding, one note or one picture, and I need my depends.  NO joke.) and IM’d it to Jim.  Then we cranked up the volume, because seriously, what other way is there to play CHER, with the whole idea that it would be heard throughout the Wehrenberg halls, everyone wondering what room is that coming from?  I don’t remember exactly how it worked out, but Jim didn’t get any, so, as Rumsfeld himself would say: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!  [like he would have anyway]

And what other vocalist could pull of lyrics like, “Born in the wagon of a trav’lin’ show, mama used to dance for the money they’d throw, papa used to do everything that he could….preach a little gospel; sell a couple bottles of Dr. Good.”  Thank you for that, Cher.  Thank you. Oh, and for ‘Mermaids‘.

#176- Chris Webber

Jim says, “Time out!  Time out!

You ass.  You ruined my faith in the Fab 5.  It’s because of you that EACH ONE OF THEM has been a scab to the NBA.  Seriously.  When’s the last time you heard Jimmy King and Ray Jackson.  Way to go Chris Webber…your stupid Time-Out that wasn’t ruined more careers than Waterworld

#175- Craig Kilborn

Jim says, “Post Daily Show”

He was never funny, Jim.  Ever.  Ass. 

#174- Dan Cortese

Jim says, “Never have so few been so famous for so little”

I don’t get it Jim.  But I typed it for the world, anyway.  He really is a superb douche-bag however.  Especially in the made-for-TV-version of The Lottery by Shirley Jackson co-starring Keri Russell and Mr. Feeny.  We’re talking SERIOUS loser here. 

#173- Dave Wannstedt

Jim says, “Who wants a moustache ride?”

I am not the biggest pro-Bears person in the world, but Dave Wannstedt is a real ass.  Just go here.  I know the website is going away, but go there and scroll down to the bottom.  I’ll give you a sneak-preview—Dave Wannstedt wears a tu-tu.  ‘Nuff said. 

#172- Delilah

Jim says, “Of both radio and ‘Samson &’ fame.”

I think we would ALL agree that the radio Delilah is clearly worse than the Delilah of S & D.  One cut some strength-giving hair, while the other one inundates miserable people with Peter Cetera and Phil Collins.  You tell ME what’s worse.  Huh?

#171- Elderly Drivers

Jim says, “Yeah, like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Everyone has their own group that they hate to encounter on the road.  It doesn’t necessarily make you racist, sexist, or even agist.  As I’ve often said, “I’m not racist; I hate everyone.”  I’m equal-opportunity, y’all. 

#170- Farrah Fawcett

Jim says, “History’s most overrated ‘hot chick'”

What was the deal with THIS, FF?  Picture Dr. Phil saying, “what WERE you thinking?”  Besides, anyone who looks THIS weird does not deserve fame, except for the Surreal Life kind.  You KNOW that’s coming soon. 

Ta-da.  11 more down, only 169 to go.  The plot thickens. 

Do you agree?  Are you in accordance?  Would you dare defend one of these dumbasses?  As Kirstie Alley would say to a all-you-can-eat meatloaf bar, “Bring it ON!”

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Published in: on 15 May 2006 at 8*36 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Idiot! Tony Danza wasn’t in Charles in Charge. That was Joey Lawrence.

    I was forced to tolerate Danza for years on WTB … it was the only way I could see my sweet little darling Alyssa Milano.

  2. No, no, no. Scott Baio was Charles in Charge. Yeesh. Kids these days.

    I maintain that Radio Delilah is so bad, she’s almost sort of awesome. However, I also have a deep love for soft rock, so your mileage may vary.

    Lasly, all-you-can-eat meatloaf? Ew. That mental image is almost enough to make me a vegetarian.

  3. Clearly some of you readers out there are too focused on “facts”. Always remember, funny before factual. Ok, on to my supplemental commentary…
    1)I, for one, appreciated Debbie Matenopolous’s work on the TV Guide channel. So a thank you for Bab’s there.
    2)Andy, your Cher obsession grows more deeply disturbing by the moment. When are people going to learn that she has nothing-NOTHING DAMMIT!-to contribute to society. God I hate her. “I’ve Got You Babe” is the single worst song ever written. Man, I am so pissed off right now just thinking about her.
    3)As for the Fab Five, ain’t nothing wrong with Jalen Rose… Oh wait, he sucks? He’s been way overrated and overpaid by how many teams now? Oh. Nevermind.
    4)Craig Kilborn was actually at his best on Sportscenter back in the day. But you’d have to tear yourself away from the Bachelor and watch a man’s show to know that I guess…

  4. Come to think of it, I get Cher and Tiny Tim mixed up a lot. I used to date one of them, I think, but I’m not sure which.


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