On Linkin Park

Now, usually, I like to mix it up a little more, categorically.  I would tell you something neat about my life-how my wife is graduating, the baby will be here very soon, school's almost out, I'm starting grad school soon, etc. etc. etc., but I can't think of how that's funny or entertaining.  So, instead, I will again make fun of something that sucks.  That's more my specialty.  At least in my head. 

I don't like yuppies. Fortunately for the band Linkin Park, they are not named after the Chicago Lincoln Park (blech) and they have a hip spelling to prove it, too.  Because misspelling is cool!  (And I don't mean Tori!  wait for it……….get it?  okay…)  Now Linkin Park is a bit of a schism from my normal making fun of Hip-Hop/Rap, (here and here), but the lyrics are something special.  They are truly worthy.  As you will soon see. 

From the Emily Dickinson inspired tune, "Papercut"; and I quote:

"It’s like I’m / paranoid lookin’ over my back
It’s like a / whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like I / can’t stop what I’m hearing within
It’s like the face inside is right beneath my skin"

The first thing to notice with these gentlemen is an incredibly desire to add as much punctuation as possible.  As you will see shortly, the parenthese has never been so appreciated.  LP does for the parenthese what Destiny's Child does for the apostrophe.  Now, as far as the words go, I'd just like you to visualize that last line.  Sample Responses:

Why is there a face inside?

A whole nother layer of skin right below the other?  Sounds crazy!


But have no fear, the train to musical despair does not make a stop at this station.  No, we're traveling express.  Now, from "Hit The Floor", the tragic story of a kid with a peanut allergy whose class took a field trip to the Skippy plant.  And I quote:

"(One minute you're on top)
Next you're not watch you drop
(Making your heart stop)
Just before you hit the floor
(One minute you're on top)
Next you're not missed a shot
(Making you're heart stop)
You think you've won
(And then it's all gone)"

Now, I know you're thinking that the parentheses are only visible in the written out form, but if you actually listen to this schlockola, you can actually hear them.  It's a bit of genious.  Even in this lovely little extract evoking Dr. Seuss, you can physically hear the punctuation abuse.  (+ notice the nifty misuse of you're and the grammatically stunning, 'next you're not missed a shot'.  AWESOME!)  Now, from the sexually evocatively named, "A Place For My Head"; and I quote:

"I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don’t understand
(You’ll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy
A place for my head"

Dude, I want to be in the energy.  That is so deep.  Pass the meth.  Now I'll scream incoherently into the microphone—it'll be perfect.  Now it is time again for the [insert ominous organ music, cut to shot of run down church steeple, release flying monkeys] PARENTHETICAL RANCOR!  Today's juicy bits come from the number "From The Inside", not to be confused with the Nine Inch Nails song "Closer" which is actually mostly legitimate.  Please enjoy.  Or else.

Because of LP's allegiance to the parenthese, today I am forced to bracket, although, that's what I do anyway, right?  I don't remember and am too lazy to check.  On to the goodness!

I don’t know who to trust your surprise [eh?  what's that, Yoda?]
(Everyone feels so far away from me) [except for the close ones, they seem so very close]
Happy thoughts sift through dust and the lies [like miniature faeries, like on Ferngully]
(Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit) [dude, deceit is so tiring.  Just like eating Turkey.  Wait guys, I just got an idea for a song about Tryptophane.  'Tryphtophane in my window pane, my wanderlust meanders to the Bryant of Lane'.  That's good shit, dudes]

(Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet)

(All I ever think about is this)
(All the tiring time between)
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me) [are parentheses necessary when that's ALL THERE IS?  You're not interrupting anything!  YOU'RE little anecdote about not standing up is interrupting itself!  Pull yourselves together!  Somewhere, your 10th grade remedial English teacher is kicking herself.  Well she would if she could.]

Take everything from the inside and throw it all away [Topic change.  Now I think we're having a rummage sale!  I've got a Salad Shooter for $1.50.  Can't beat it!]
Cuz I swear for the last time I won’t trust myself with you [I'm not leaving you alone with that Salad Shooter.  I know you've only got a dollar, and I need at LEAST 9 bits-worth.]

Tension is building inside steadily [get me a heating pad, STAT!]
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Happy thoughts forcing their way out of me [Like bodily excretions, my 'happy thoughts' can no longer be contained by my organs!  I need someone to catheterize my memories of 'Full House'.  Damned Aunt Becky was hott!  GET OUT AUNT BECKY!!!!!!!]
(And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me) [dude, this trust is heavy and awkward, howm'I supposed to get that crap inSIDE YOU?  This human-stuffing is so taxing….]

Hope you enjoyed!  As is clearly proven, Lincoln Park or any derivation there in super sucks.  I rest my case. 

Published in: on 19 May 2006 at 11*23 pm  Comments (13)  

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  1. dude are u tryin 2 say tht linkin park suck!?!?!? dont EVER dis LP cos if u do ill come over 2 ur place rip ur balls off then make u eat them….BUT WANT IM NOT DONE!!! then ill strap u 2 a bed get the rustyest knife i can find,slice ur wrists and ancles THEN right down the middle of u then watch u bleed 2 death. and u no what i’ll be doin wilst u die…sippin a bottle of W.K.D and laffin at u screem!!! U GOT THAT PUNK?!?!?!? DON’T EVER AND I MEAN EVER DIS LINKIN PARK, OR BY HELL OR HIGH WATER I WILL DO THAT 2 U!!!!!!!!

  2. Sounds like ryan mack is a linkin park fan. a moronic one at that.

  3. and apparently a violent one

  4. hey ryan linkin park DOES SUCK whatcha gonna do?? kill me and skin me and then put me on display?? Oh wait…that is another post…

  5. U ROCK RYAN… And you Mr.GAY!!! U say that Linkin ParK Sucks?!!!! U SUCK!!! And All What you wrote is just BOLD SHIT!!! You Have No Idea of what You’re talkin about….or whom ur talkin about!!! UR such a stupid idiot creature!!! I just cant find anything to say after wastin ma time readin this BOLD SHIT!!! LINKIN PARK IS DA BEST BAND EVEEEEEEEEER!!! AND FOR ANYONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT…GO TO HELL!!!

  6. Ladies, please. I really don’t think death threats are necessary here.

    I’m just saying that Linkin Park’s lyrics are ridiculous. Never did I ever say that the music was bad or that you should “go to hell” or “slice ur ancles” because you like them. I actually like the music part of them.

    Also, as a side note, anytime you use “UR” or “2 U”, you automatically discount any point you may have made. Step up to the plate and use your words. It makes your argument way better.

    Ryan, though, I would like to point out that I was inspired by your attempt at the word “whilst”. Although slightly misspelled, it was appropriately used and I was inspired. I say Shakespeare and Emily Dickinson and the like were not lost on the entire LP fan base.

    Whatever the heck your name is other dude, I was equally inspired by your use of “whom.” And “stupid idiot creature”. It certainly made up for your erratic capitalization.

    In closing; LP’s words are dumb. I like the music; mostly. They’re no Foghat, but it’ll do.

  7. I like the term “bold shit”…is he calling me mr gay? I am confused by his “bold” use of caps….its a band for christ sake…its not like i said jesus sucks…i mean come on..

  8. “They’re no Foghat”. Ha ha ha ha.

  9. lol

  10. This is just a guy who likes to trash talk stuff, I like linkin park and I personally find the stuff he said funny. Have a sense of humor.

  11. Felix, I agree. he is blinded with his linkin park love and cannot handle a little “ha ha”

  12. Okay, so while I love Linkin Park, ya’ll are just kinda overly crazy with that shit.

    This was really funny and entertaining. Although, it was a little discomforting since I’ve listened to them since One Step Closer and I’ve never actually realized how odd their lyrics are. But also, I’d like to point out 2 things. I maybe wrong on the one though.

    1. (The maybe wrong one) Did you get the lyrics from the offical Linkin Park site or did you get them off a lyrics site? If you got them off a lyrics site, that could just be the idiot who typed them that had the punctuation errors. If you got it from LP, then yeah, they suck at grammar.

    2. However, you’re totally off on the parentheses. Everytime Chester is singing the majority, Mike’s lines are in parentheses no matter. For example: In “From The Inside” when there are many lines in parentheses, it’s to distinguish that Mike’s the one saying them. And vice versa. When Mike’s the leading voice, Chester’s lines are all in parentheses.
    A lot of artists use parentheses when someone other than the ‘main’ is singing. Some will use the parentheses for whomever is the background, but LP uses them for the one doing the back up singing all the way through.

    But you did have a few points on the insanity of some of their lyrics.

  13. First off Lincoln Park does suck. I have tried to like them, and finally after trying to listen to their latest album numerous times. I thought to myself why are you trying to like this 5th grade level music, it’s not artistic, it doesn’t grab you, it’s not emotionally involving, and the lyrics are trivial drab. The one thing it has going for it, is it well produced and recorded. But this may also lead to it not feeling like it has a heartbeat, and not feeling very original, and ultimately boring.

    But I like Ryan cause he makes me laugh. I bet that little goblin where’s a hockey helmet to protect his little soft head. Take care of that little walnut Ryan, hopefully your not working the drive thru at my local Burger King when I drive thru. I don’t want you screwing up my order.

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