What IS the deal with Dusty Baker?

DB: Hello, Hello?!  Please baby… it was only one time!  Well, okay, lots of times, but I still love you!  Who’s gonna take me now?  NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cubs:  Sorry buddy.  It’s been real.  Real like a non-sedated colonoscopy.

DB:  Where do I go from here???

Cubs: Really, it doesn’t matter to us.  We hear the Schaumburg Flyers have an opening as a bench coach, but we already recommended someone else for the gig…Bad timing, you know?  Tough break, homes.

DB:  Homes?  I’m black!  What about all the shit I went through for you?  Steve Bartman, Wood/Prior injuries, those asshole Sox Fans?

Cubs: Easy, D.Bak., the Sox fan’s aren’t that bad…

DB:  Whatever—I worked in San Francisco for years and I’ve never seen so many queers. 

Cubs:  Whoa!  They won the world series, for Pete’s sake!

DB:  In a year where everyone else sucked royally.  Big frieking deal, you sucked the least.  Be proud, losers!!!!

Cubs:  That’s it, we’re leaving.  You smell like bad tequila and broken toothpicks.  Go catch a bus home, you loser. 

DB: [pukes, gives middle finger, sobs endlessly]

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Published in: on 3 October 2006 at 7*38 pm  Leave a Comment  

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