On Taking Back Sunday

UPDATE: TODAY (THURSDAY) IS MY SISTER-IN-LAW’S BIRTHDAY!  GO WISH HER A HAPPY ONE!  (then come back and read this.  dammit.) 

One day, my brother-in-law pointed out to me that there was a band “out there” who was particularly deserving of my angry comments.  I’m more than happy to take requests, so I went to investigate this particular band with a name oh-too-similar to a band my friends started in High School.  Little did I know what I was in for….

This punk/hardcore/emo band is particularly vapid, especially when one looks at their lyrical contributions.  Here’s the problem with emo…it sucks.  It’s a stupid idea, it makes me want to spend my days in Chinese torture prison, just me, Celine Dion, Gloria Estefan, and Tony Kornheiser.  Only the Ohio State Buckeyes can be truly worse than this, the suckiest subgenre of music to pop up since skiffle.  I could carpal tunnel on here for days, but instead, time for some meaty nuggets. 

Exhibit A today comes from the song “You Know How I Do”, which, me being the rap-ficionado that I clearly am would like to point out sounds more like an LLCoolJ song than something to cry to.  Nevertheless.  And I Quote:

“So sick, so sick of being tired.
And oh so tired of being sick.
Willing and ready to prove the worst of everything you said about.
So obviously desperate, so desperatly obvious.
So good at setting bad examples.
Listen, trick, I’ve had all I can handle.

We won’t stand for hazy eyes anymore.”

Listen, trick, I’m just SO sick!  My life is SO horrible!  And look how good I am at adjectives and adverbs!! I can turn them around and even make ’em switch!  Doesn’t that count for something, 6th Grade English Teacher?!?!  Oh, and for the record, hazy eyes are so last year.   Seriously.  Now for a song that made me think I was stuck in an inspirational poster making factory…”There’s No ‘I’ In Team”.  And I quote:

“And I’ve got a twenty-dollar bill
that says you’re up late night starting
fist fights versus fences in your backyard
Wearing your black eye like a badge of honor
Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me
Best friends means I pulled the trigger!!!”

We-he-hell!  Let the bets begin!  A 20-spot!  No offense, TBS, but I don’t think betting that your little insomniac friend here is engaging in fisticuffs with a fence is really the best bet.  I’d put it all on 13.  I do love the little moral in the last sentence here though.  How Shakesperean!  More?  Okay.  This is the song my Brother-in-law first pointed out to me, pointing out that this song was clearly written on a spiral notebook during study hall.  More team/phonics love here, I give you “Cute Without The ‘E’ (cut from the team).”  And I Quote:

“Your lipstick, his collar.. don’t bother Angel
I know exactly what goes on
Don’t bother trying to explain Angel
I know exactly what goes on when you’re on and
How about I’m outside of your window
Watching him keep the details covered
You’re such a sucker for a sweet talker, yeah
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don’t ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you’ll never love me”

Read that again.  And seriously, read it carefully and please let me know if you have ANY EFFING CLUE WHAT THE HELL THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!!!!  Seriously.  How about I’m outside your window.  How about I kick you in the face, douche.

You didn’t really think I’d let you go without some parenthetical love did you?  Like they say in the hood, we always packin’ heat.  or something.

Jinx me something crazy [You owe me a slur-pee!  That’ll teach you to say ‘bleeding heart’ at the same time as me!  oh, anguish]
Thinking if it’s three then I’m as smooth as the skin rolls across the small of your back [ah yes, the skin rolls on your back.  Apparently, this song is really about the dude’s Shar-Pei.  Nothing screams sadness more than a man’s unhealthy love for his roly-poly dog.  But, only ‘if it’s three.’  Don’t forget that.]
It’s too bad it’s not my style [oh, denied.]
If you need me I’m out and on the parkway, [Naturally.  Emo people are always hitching.  Signature.]
patient and waiting for headlights, [aren’t we all?  heh.  heh.  Get it?  Headlights?]
dressed in a fashion that’s befitting to the inconsistencies of my moods [Whoa, Captain Thesaurus.  Let’s take it down a notch here!  What exact fashion is that that illuminates your schizophrenia, anyway?  I picture one of those crying clowns, maybe with a beanie or something.]

It’s times like these, where silence means everything [deep.]
And no one is to know about this [you got it, trick?!]
But whatever I have gettin’ myself into [mainly, heroin.]
maybe has been slicing inches from my waist [Ooh!  Someone alert Kirstie Alley!  A new diet plan!  Maybe you’ve been ‘gettin yourself into’ plastic surgery.  Hmmm?!?]
It’s my fist vs. the bottle [i got my 20-spot on the bottle, bitch]
and thank god you weren’t there… [A-MEN!]
And that’s how bad could this hurt or against I won’t feel a thing [huh?  Was just this one line translated from the Chinese?]
I tell you all about it [And we’re SO grateful.]
It’s just not working out to watch me hit bottom [funny, I didn’t mind it.]
It’s a campaign of distraction and revisionist history, oh [I love this line.  ‘distraction and revisionist history’ followed immediately by ‘oh.’  Anytime you finish it off with ‘oh’ or any other gutteral utterance, you just negate any big words you just looked up and tried to use correctly.  Sorry my friends, F-.]

See, the old brother-in-law wasn’t that far off—-Taking Back Sunday TOTALLY sucks.  And there you have it. 

Any other requests while we’re at it?

Published in: on 17 October 2006 at 8*28 pm  Comments (8)  

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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. HEEE. They totally wrote all their lyrics in study hall.

  2. Oy, where do I start?
    1) Without skiffle there is no Beatles or rock as we know it. Get your popular music history straight, buster.
    2) Do you really have a hard time understanding the one set of lyrics there? I’m not saying they’re good, but they do border on painfully obvious.
    3) Where do you get off calling anyone “Captain Thesaurus” in a perjorative fashion? Did you _read_ your last entry? Seriously.

  3. Oh Jim. Skiffle is just a fun word to say. Lighten up with your secret bluegrass love.

    Also, I just happen to think that “Captain Thesaurus” is a funny name. So you can take your ‘perjorative’ and…..BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!

    You knew that was coming! [that’s what he said]

  4. Those lyrics made me nauseous, not the 151 my boss is force feeding me.

  5. Personally, I think the guy likes ’em rubinesque. Yet and still, if some guy’s going to be bringing up the fat roll on MY back, “waiting for headlights” is going to be the LEAST of his problems, yo.

  6. Oh, and one other thing: You are entirely too young to be quoting cheesy John Waite lyrics in your masthead.

  7. i know this is two years old but what the hell. seriously dude, you have no life. you’re horrible at making fun of bands, and if you’re so into music, you should shut the hell up and let bands do their own thing.

    and happen to love their lyrics. and i think i can answer a few questions for you.

    “Read that again. And seriously, read it carefully and please let me know if you have ANY EFFING CLUE WHAT THE HELL THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN!!!!! Seriously. How about I’m outside your window. How about I kick you in the face, douche.”

    the song you tried oh so hard to bash is obviously about a girl cheating on him. “your lipsick, his collar”. the “how about im outside of your window” part is not supposed to be taken literally. he’s telling the girl that there’s no point in trying to hide it because he saw her cheat on him. “hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens” is supposed to be later on, when he’s trying to get over her and he wishes he could wish her luck with whatever she gets herself into after him. “a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins” is him trying so hard to come up with the right words to say to her. “i will never ask if you dont ever tell me. i know you well enough to know you’ll never love me.” he isn’t going to ask her if she loves/loved him because he thinks he knows her well enough that if she doesnt say anything to him, it obviously means she doesnt care about him.

    you may not want to “stoop down” and try to understand emo, but maybe if you thought a little harder, you could easily figure out what their songs mean before just obnoxiously declaring them incomprehensible.

  8. […] my password for me, and all that I missed in 4 years was a multitude of spam, one weird-o defending Taking Back Sunday (seriously?) and many, MANY people sharing opinions about A.J. Pierzynski.  So, there you go, […]

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