What IS the deal with Wendy’s?

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Quiz time, boys and girls.  Get out your #2 pencils, we’re going for a ride.

#1)When taking a drive-thru order, it is appropriate to:

a) encourage the customer to “Have a nice day”, with the option of throwing in other nice words like “Blessed” or “Charming”

b) gently ask the customer if they are interested in trying your new Vanilly Frosty that is oh-so-ever-tempting-and-delectable

c) garble into that stupid microphone you have, make the customer repeat their simple order 42 times, and then wait for frieking-EVER because you’re a huge bitch and dammit, you’ve got more important shit to do at your job at Wendy’s than type the damn food into the register, HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO SERVE YOU, I’VE GOT PUH-ROB-LEMS!!!!!

#2) When taking money from the customer it is appropriate to:

a) gently outstrech a caring hand, gingerly taking the bills and coins from the hard-working, tax-paying customer

b) thank the civilian for his/her money and his/her contributions to this changing society during trying times

c) stick your grubby-ass nappy hand in the customer’s window and just stare at them like they should be happy to have earned the right to be at this here Wendy’s because BITCH THIS SHIT IS GOOD AND YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY WE EVEN TALKED TO YOUR SORRY ASS THROUGH THAT GRATE ON OUR MENU, BITCH!!!!

#3) When putting together the order, you should:

a) separate hot and cold contents into separate bags, providing ample napkins and straws to assure cleanly eating by each consumer in the true spirit of Dave Thomas Image Preview.

b) be EXTRA-careful to make sure everything has been prepared with care and a smile, and then fastidiously release your creation to its eager destination

c) practically throw the damn shit out the window after you haphazardly managed to put the salads into the bag that for some reason were bathing in a tub of apparently arctic water, forgetting the croutons, most likely on purpose, because, shit, not your problem, and besides, that’s dollar menu stuff, and you ain’t EVEN about to strain yourself for anything less than a Value Meal, beeeyotch.

#4) A customer ordering a Medium Vanilla Frosty with M & M’s would really like:

a) a delicious ice cream treat with a bonus candy crunch!

b) a frieking Medium Vanilla Frosty with M & M’s dammit

c) a half-melted small Vanilla Frosty with no damn M & M’s and a bag of crushed up Butterfinger shit in the watery bag with your salads and missing croutons implying that you should “fix and mix” your own damn treat, whores. 

Sure hope you all passed!  I’m sure not all Wendy’s are that bad, just the ones that see my sorry ass coming.  Politicians should think about this when they’re busy “creating jobs.”  Certain people were meant to not have jobs, dammit. 

No group of people is made more crappy and awful and inhuman than when they’re in a Wendy’s.  And I’ve been to a Bananarama concert*. 

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*I’ve never been to a Bananarama concert.  How old do you think I am?

P.s. I worked at McDonald’s in High School, so yeah, bitch, I know how hard it is.  Not hard.  Get over it.

Published in: on 13 November 2006 at 8*52 pm  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. And when did these douchebags stop giving us ketchup with our fries??? Why do I have to beg for a few packets of rancid tomato paste?

    But on the bright side, once I went through the Wendy’s drive thru and they gave me a large beverage that I didn’t order or pay for. It was like fucking Christmas.

  2. Heeeeeee. They DO hate you, don’t they? Was this the one by us again?

  3. Dude, do people just see you coming and say to themselves, “Hey, let’s just fuck with this kid. It’ll be fun, because he’ll totally just take it like the little bitch that he is”? Because it sure seems like it.

    Clearly, you need to start killing people who treat you like this. It’s the only way they’ll ever learn to respect your authoritar.

  4. You’re just a mere be-be, which is why I find myself growing ever-more disturbed that you keep quoting ’80s hair band lyrics in your masthead. You’re not supposed to know that shit.

  5. […] and thou shalt getteth or something  Twice in the past, I’ve made jokes about Bananarama and how tremendous they are were.  (do a Edit, Find on page if you’re […]

  6. I like wendys. when they had that super taco bar…..lord..best days of my life…

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