#’s 114-104

Okay, first of all, for the last couple of years or so, my e-mail address has seemed to make it in to some loser’s address book.  He clearly thinks I’m someone else.  The problem is, is that he’s from Ohio (which I’ve clearly discussed before), and that he LOVES THE Ohio State Buckeyes.  Which, with their impending demise at the hands of one Michigan Wolverines, makes for some really annoying emails.  [ex. “GO  BUCKS! click on the Michigan Still Sucks website below.”]  Bleechhh.  But, I’m too lazy/and/or I’m waiting for them to lose and then I’ll stick it to him.  Take it, bitch!

Speaking of bitches…. (oh, and go see Jim, who helped, and this page holds all list-related info so you can figure out what’s up here…)

#114- Telemarketers

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “Telef***wipes.” 

Dude, I was a telemarketer once.  And I know they’re annoying, but could you maybe be nice about it?  Don’t be assholes. 

Unless they’re the annoying ones (which I clearly could not have been…) in which case, get your anger out while you can! (for example, “no, I’m not interested. You know what i AM interested in? Your sister.)

#113- Willa Cather

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “See: Willa Ford.”

Yikes!  Nice photo, Willa. I knew you were a lesbian and all about woman power and shit, but that’s scary.  You look like Marvin Hamlisch. 

I had to read My Antonia for school a total of 3 times.  Even on sparknotes, the damn thing sucked.  Enough about the fricking landscape.  It doesn’t symbolize shit, and it’s boring.  Good lord, Willa.  Pages about shrubbery.  Pages and pages of lesbian shrubbery. 

Although, when you put it that way…

#112- Yanni

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “The best human punchline since Carrot Top.” 

I think we all owe a big thank you to Yanni for his musical contributions to society, don’t we?  After all, without him, we wouldn’t have…..well…..anyone?…..nothing?…..Hey, did anyone see Top Model last nite?

#111- Al Gore

Go to fullsize imageGo to fullsize image

Jim says, “Not only did he not invent the internet, he also didn’t not suck ass.” 

All you who were so concerned about that Florida voting b.s. and thought that Georgio stole the presidency, I want you to think about what exactly it would be like if Al Gore had pulled it out.  (another interesting word selection…)  Scary huh?  I’m not the biggest pro-Busher, (!) but that guy?  Really?  Hey Al Gore, I heard the ozone’s getting better!  And solely due to your efforts!  Tipper’s waiting somewhere needing some serious face-mauling.  Hop to it!

#110- Bill Walton

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “What a douche.  Magic Johnson could be here too, they both suck ass.” 

Jim has mentioned many times about Bill Walton, so go check his ideas out.  I just think he looks like a giant asparagus.  Don’t they look like the Stroger’s there, though? 

#109- Enrique Iglesias

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “Gets a spot on this list just for diddling Anna Kournikova.  Oh, and making really shitty albums.” 

Oh, Enrique.  Must be pretty exciting to have a mole more famous than you.  And that picture has so many hands all over it’s like a Thai Whorehouse or someone playing ‘Hands Down!’.

Go to fullsize image

#108- Fran Drescher

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “How in God’s name did she get famous?” 

Jim, does that outfit not say enough?  And how timely with her recent L&O appearance! 

And how about that C.C., I tell you, always trying to get with Mr. Sheffield.  What a hussy, AM I RIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?

#107- Frescobaldi

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “More like F***obaldi.  Harpsichord blows.” 

You probably don’t know.  But if you do, you so do.  The man whose music sounds like a kid trying to hit every note as fast and as often as possible.  On a harpsichord.  Someday I’ll tell you a special Harpsichord story, but this is neither the time nor the place.  Remind me, though.

#106- Gennifer Flowers

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “I think the rest of the world would respect us more if our president banged hotter bitches…”

Poignant photo, too, Gennifer.  With a G.  Seriously?  Seriously…

#105- Keith Brion

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “Of all the people to impersonate, you pick Sousa?  F*ing Sousa?” 

Sousa was already mentioned here.  But for impersonating an F, that apparently heightens your F-dom. 

KB also had some really special band rehearsal techniques when he worked with us, my favourite being unbridled encouragement.  “Clarinets, I’m giving up on you, but don’t you give up on you.”

#104- Oksana Baiul

Go to fullsize imageJim says, “There should be a law against ugly chick figure skaters.”

And stealing medals away from wounded Nancy Kerrigans!  Ukrainian bitch!

Not that I ever watch figure skating.  Because I don’t.  I so don’t. 

Really.

—next time into the top 100 people!  You’re biting your nails, aren’t you?  I can tell. 

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Published in: on 16 November 2006 at 9*40 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Hands Down! I had totally forgotten about that game. I wonder if it’s still floating around in a family member’s attic…

    Is Bob Knight on this list? Because I would really love to hear more about Bob Knight. I just haven’t heard enough. Please, please, tell me more about Bob Knight. I need to see his name and face and fist over and over and over again.

    ohio SUCKS!


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