#’s 92-82

       Well, bitches, I’m back.  I figured the best way to get back into the sling (sling?) of things would be to do what I love to do most—talk about things I hate.  So, here you have it.  Enjoy.

# 92- Go to fullsize imageLeif Garrett/Go to fullsize imageEricsson/Etc…

Jim says, “If you don’t want it pronounced ‘leaf’ then get a new damn name.”

Dude, Leif Garrett looked way  like Joanna Kerns.  Go to fullsize image  Thank you internet.  Now I feel complete. 

As a side note, I want a hat with wings. 

#91- Go to fullsize imageLuke Perry

Jim says, “Oh Dylan, where are you now??  Oh wait,….I don’t care.”

Back in my younger days, we lived on the ‘wrong’ side of the big hill, so cable did not actually come down our street.  Fox 17 didn’t come in too well with the Rabbit Ears, so we never got in to 90210 or Melrose Place.  It was a damned shame, I tell you.  I didn’t even know who the New Kids were until I went to my friend Tony’s house and his sister had graffiti’ed “Gina heart’s Donnie” all over the basement walls…Let’s all have a pause for my lost childhood.  Damn you, my parents’ Peter, Paul, and Mary RECORDS!  DAMN YOU!

(What Chantelle isn’t telling you is how she made Luke Perry smile.)

#90- Go to fullsize imageNewman

Jim says, “Newman!

Never before was there ever a more hated figure on television.  And that’s including Full House and Designing Women.  I think we all had a sigh of gratification when that fat-ass took it in the eyes from that poison-tar-spitting chicken-osaur.  Go to fullsize image

#89- Go to fullsize imageR. Kelly

Jim says, “Pre-‘Trapped in the Closet’.  I can’t decide if that number should be higher or lower.”

I’m not going to make any jokes about peeing on minors here.  Really. 

I prefer to talk about R. Kelly’s love for Booty of all kinds.  I refer to songs such as, Definition of a Hotti, I Like the Crotch on You, Sex Me pts. 1-2, Bump ‘n’ Grind, It Seems Like You’re Ready, Hump Bounce, Don’t You Say No, Strip For You, P***Y, Sex In the Kitchen, Kickin’ it With Your Girlfriend, Sex Weed, and my personal favourite, Feelin’ on Your Booty.  Complete with Emerson-esque lyrics like “Feelin’ on your boo-hoo-ty, boo-hoo-ty, boo-hoo-ty, boo-tee-ty,” it’s no wonder this freak likes underage ass.  Oh, I did it.  Don Henley made me do it.

#88- Go to fullsize imageBill Laimbeer

Jim says, “How’s the WNBA treating you, you ass-pirate?”

Did you know that there are celebrity golf tournaments?  Did you know that there is a golf course out near Tahoe somewhere that has a water hazard called “Laimbeer Lake”?  That would be because Laimbeer put a ball in the lake on 4 consecutive shots my friend.  4 times in a damn row.  Now that’s taking it. 

Just like that picture. 

#87- Go to fullsize imageConfederates

Jim says, “It was sad in 1860.  It’s just pathetic now.”

What exactly are you proving by raising that flag in the back window of your Indiana pick-up truck, my wanna-be southern friends?  That you miss slavery?  That you don’t want to share water fountains?  That Mississippi isn’t the stupidest name for a place, ever?  Well listen up, guys.  You lost.  And Indiana wasn’t in the south.  Just sayin.

Go to fullsize image

#86- Go to fullsize imageDon King

Jim says, “Even without the hair.”

What exactly is he famous for? 

#85- Go to fullsize imageFrank “Fat Bitch” O’Bannon

Jim says, “I’d blame him for Indiana if it weren’t for all the damned Indianans also responsible.”

For the record, I know nothing of the man, and I usually have the utmost respect for the dead.  However, Frankie O’s (not to be confused with Jackie O) name seemed perfectly suited for a ‘fat bitch’ in the middle, and the rest was history.  Say it a couple of times and tell me that doesn’t make you happy.

#84- Go to fullsize imageGary Coleman

Jim says, “May have redeemed himself if only he would’ve whipped out a ‘What’chu talkin’ ’bout Judge Mills Lane?’ when being sued by a lady he beat up while working mall security.  But he didn’t.  So he’s a fuck.”

I can’t say that I don’t understand, but dude’s crazy.  We’re talking borderline Tom Cruise crazy.

#83- Go to fullsize imageJanice

Jim says, “From Friends.”

There is no way she’s worse than Newman.  Who compiled this stupid list, anyway?

#82- Go to fullsize imageJustin Guarini

Jim says, “See: Flock of Seagulls.”

Even Rosie O’Donnell thinks this guy is a ‘stone cold loser.’  Gayest thing to come out of American Idol.  And they even had Clay Aiken. 

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Published in: on 19 January 2007 at 9*37 pm  Leave a Comment  

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