Okay, my jejunum and I are seriously fighting.

I got sick on Friday.  And not like, uh-oh, it’s Friday, and I could totally leave early sick.  Like, somebody get me a bucket before I seriously decorate this place sick.  But did I leave early, mes amis?  No.  Like a Bulgarian Gypsy to an unattended baby buggy, I just couldn’t get enough. 

As I drove home desperately searching for places I could pull over and heave out the car window without stopping traffic or drawing any undue attention to me, I realized that I had made the wrong move.  Getting home before the barfing is usually recommended.  Anyway….

All weekend I’m still sick (ps, Jim, this is not code for ‘my herpes is back’ like I’m sure you’re thinking.  FYI, I am still outbreak free, thank you very MUCH.  I maintain it was never herpes, though that organist nurse from college was vehement….)(Ironic that she was an organist, no?)(okay, no.  Not Ironic.  Not even funny.)  and so I go to the Doctor who tells me I have Bronchitis.  I do not even give a shit, but does that come with a side of drugs, my friend?  Why Yes?  It does?  Off to Walgreens….

In the interest of brevity, let’s say that I think I hate my medicine.  Since Friday, just about every single part of my body has felt sick, and not all at the same time.  Quite individually, actually.  So what is it my friends, EbolaLe Vague Des PassionsRhabdomyolysis? Someone help a brother out here. 

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Published in: on 26 January 2007 at 8*35 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Sounds like the Syph. At any rate I’m sure it’s something sexually transmitted (did you really think you could stop me that easily?) Perhaps the AIDS? Quick PSA: chlamydia holds the distinction of being the funniest VD as well as the “best” to get. I feel I may have mentioned that here before, but it bears repeating.

    Also, I don’t know about your doctor, but I’ve had bronchitis more times than I can count and it never came with a side of vomit. Have you WebMDed leprosy yet?

  2. My vote’s for febrile neutropenia or the dreaded Estonian perineum twitch. Or maybe rickets.

  3. Have you updated your will? I wish to be included when you die…which, from the looks of things, will probably be Tuesday.


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