#’s 70-60

For you searchers out there, A. J. Pierzynski IS still a bitch and a douche bag.  Kenny Rogers DOES still have a messed up face.  Hillbillies are STILL weird, while prison tats are clearly bitchin’.  And, as aforementioned dammit, I do STILL NOT know how to tell if a goat is pregnant

But now, on to the good stuff.  Remember the list?  It’s that time again…

Let me first say that on a scale of 1-10 after being voted on by many people besides just me and Jim (depending on your definition of ‘many’, mine is 3), the following all earned between a 7.6 and 7.8.  Just to give you some scope. 

#70- The Olsen Twins (Aunt Becky was hot)

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Jim says, “It’s true about the Aunt Becky thing.”

My sister was TOTALLY obsessed with Full House.  No, I take that back.  In our house, it was “Michelle.”  That was the name of the show.  Although, when you live on the wrong side of the ‘big hill’ and cable TV isn’t even available down your street and you only have 4 channels, you survive with that you can.  Let’s just say that the Michigan Second Chance Lottery Game Show was a HUGE moment in our Sunday Nights.  Please tell me SOMEONE from Michigan remembers what that was called, because Jeeves doesn’t remember.

#69- Trekkies

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Jim says, “F yourself.  No one else will.”

Sounds like Jim’s been shunned by a trekkie or two.  [trekker?  trekkette?]  Either way, though I may not be certain of the appropriate nomenclature, I am positive that you are a strange type.  Think, if only the trekkies poured their endless energy into conversationism or something then I wouldn’t have to deal with Al Gore.

#68- Wayne Fontes

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Jim says, “Worst Wayne since Wayne Newton.”

I get that driving the Lions into the ground and turning them into the laughinstock of the NFC is not a difficult job.  I get that many have done that job well.  None, however, with the amount of body fat and braggadocio that one Mr. Fontes did.  He did to the Lions what one Mr. Louie Anderson did to “The Feud.” 

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#67- Barry AuH20

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Jim says, “Cute.  What’s the chemical symbol for ‘you’re a F-face.'”

But, knowing this name automatically will help you in Trivial Pursuit.  I swear.  I don’t know the hell this guy is, but if it’s an old question about politics, go with Goldwater and you’ve got a shot. 

However, if you’re coming to me with advice on politics/history, then you’ve got your own problems.  I curse Adlai Stevenson daily for his stupid highway.

#66- Bobby Brown

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Jim says, “What a crack whore.”

Actually, Jim, as a wise woman once said, “Crack is Whack.”  And for me, anyone who has donated musical creations to the popular ouevre is worthy of high exaltations.  Famous works like Humpin’ Around, Give It Up, and She Ain’t Worth It have changed the face of popular music.  So Jim, someone has something to say to you.

Go to fullsize image“KISS MY ASS!”

#65- Cain

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Jim says, “of __& Abel”

As opposed to all of the other Cains you know. 

#64- Charlotte Church

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Jim says, “If you don’t remember who this is, thank your lucky stars.”

If you were wondering what this little opera ingenue has been up to, then google her to look for a sweet nostalgic picture to put on your weblog.  You’ll get many answers very quickly. 

#63- Mark Chmura

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Jim says, “Even if he weren’t a pedophile.”

THIS, my friends, is what happens when you have a name with too few vowels.  You can only break the laws of phonics for so long before it spirals.  Ask Kent Hrbek. 

#62- Mimes

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Jim says, “You are a pustule on the taint of performance art.”

Yes people, it’s official.  Jim loves him some ‘taint.’  ‘Pustules’ however, that’s a new one.   Mimes are the scariest things, ever.  And I’m including Santa Clauses and Marge Schott. 

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#61- Richard Simmons

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Jim says, “More like sucking to the oldies.”

Debbie Truzskwskwski from High School had a shirt that said “West Catholic” which she had crossed out with a sharpie and written underneath, “I Heart Richard Simmons.” 

I never did get to ask her why.  Bitch.

#60- Sheriff of Nottingham

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Jim says, “How about, sherriff of f-ingham?”

I remember making this list, and I remember almost everything about the compilation of the F’s.  I do not remember, how the flipping HELL we got to the Sheriff of frigging Nottingham.  I guess when you spend days playing Sega Genesis and can only get the station that is replaying “Magic Stick” and “Miss Independent” on loop, then your mind starts to lose it.

Stay tuned for some more, skanks.  It’s only up from here!

Published in: on 3 April 2007 at 9*01 am  Comments (10)  

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10 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That mime picture ruined my day. THANKS.


  2. I don’t know the name of the lottery show, but Wikipedia told me that it was hosted by Chuck Gaidica.

  3. Who would’ve though that Wayne Fontes would look like a genius compared to the personnel in the front office now?

    Fire Millen.

  4. I don’t know how to tell if a goat is pregnant, but I do know how to castrate one with a rubber band. I have friends that live in the country.

  5. STEPH-THAT’S THE ONE! CHUCK GAIDICA, that smarmy fellow. I keep thinking it was ‘Road to Riches’ or something with ‘Bucks’ in the title. Damn you, formerly youthful memory!

    I do remember it wasn’t on GR PBS, it was only on HESPERIA PBS, so you REALLY had to adjust the tinfoil on the rabbit ears.

    J-that’s what mimes do

    D-matt millen wasn’t around when this list was made. But if there’s an epilogue, his days are numbered.

    M-now I can get the whole goat sexual cycle googlers to come here. thank you. seriously.

  6. Chuck Gaidica, my hero! He’s known as Chucky G. around my parent’s house.

    I think I did find something about a show called “Road to Riches”. Maybe that was it!

  7. YES! EVERYONE, WE CAN ALL RELAX. “ROAD TO RICHES” WAS IT. Only there was no road, and, %75 of the time, no riches. Also, not car-related in any way. But, the people did get to say where in MI they purchased their loser lottery ticket, so there was that. THANK YOU STEPHANIE!

  8. Oh yeah? Well, I STILL love AJ. He’s an unrepentant asshole. That’s admirable, not contemptible.

    One Cain I like: the Admiral, played by Michelle “Ensign Ro” Forbes, commanding Battlestar Pegasus.

    Oh my holy fuck. I just realized. I’m a dork.

  9. love the stuffed animal std. i want one.

  10. She means the stuffed animal.

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