On Rihanna

I REALLY liked the song Unfaithful.  So much so that I went around for maybe a week shouting/singing “MURDERAH!” in my best Barbados-girl accent.  I knew she was capable of some serious crap, but until I heard her latest ‘hit’, I hadn’t deemed her worthy of my investigations.  Before we go on, let me list some lyrics from this number, “Umbrella”, for you to see just what let me to investigate her lyrical styles.  And I Quote:

“You had my heart and we’ll never be a world apart
Maybe in magazines, But you’ll still be my star
Baby ’cause in the dark you can’t see shiny cards
And that’s when you need me there with you I’ll always share
Because when the sun shines, we shine together
Told you I’d be here forever, said I’ll always be your friend
Tough enough, Imma stick it out to the end
Now that it’s raining more than never
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella (x2)
ella ella eh eh eh under my umbrella (repeat)”

Although I don’t understand where ‘magazines’ came from, that last line is the real juicy one.  Especially when it is repeated.  And when she says ‘repeat’, she is serious, let me tell you.

And she sounds like a singing version of Miss Cleo

But after I heard her incessant chanting of “ella, eh” on the radio, I decided to look it up and see what other goodies I could find.  And find, I did.  Like scabies on a hobo, I found some rampant stuff.  From “Let Me”.  And I Quote:

“I’m walkin over to you meet me by the door
I’m the girl in the 7 inch heel I got my keys in my hand
Maybe s’s on my arms so guess you know what it is
So act like you know Cause a girl just wanna have fun
Knock it out the park for me Need ya to hit a home run boy”

What the hell does that even mean, I ask you?  and 7 inch heel?  they make those?  I’m so glad we at least got to the logic of, “i’m maybe wearing s’s, so act  like you know.”  How about the tune, “Selfish Girl.”  And I Quote:

“I’m a selfish girl when it comes to you every minute of the day
I’m addicted to what your giving me boy
it’s killing me when it comes to love I’m not trying share you might think
I’m greedy but I just don’t care
I need you in my world cause I’m a selfish girl”

And just what is this addictionCocainses?  Sporking?  Boone’s Farm? Go to fullsize image

We may never know.  What we should know, however?  The correct form of “YOUR”.  [i know it’s probably the website people, but still…]

My favourite nugget however, came from the epic tune, “That La, La, La.”  And I think you need the full goods for this one.  You know, my stuff’s in brackets.  And I gleefully quote:

(Oh) LA LA LA LA LA LA (Uh Huh) Yeah [yeah?]
(Oh) LA LA LA LA LA LA (OhOhOhOh) Sing it [I’m not sure if I got the words…]
(Oh) LA LA LA LA LA LA Come on [my insides are bleeding]
Oh LA Oh LA Oh LA Oh LA Oh [sing the DAMN SONG ALREADY!]

You said we girls but all the while, you look at my man with a funny smile. [funny how?  Like Clown funny?  Or Marie Osmond’s new face funny?][But, bitch, we girls! We’ont need verbs!]

Now I don’t look it might be me, but ain’t no need to bump so tightly. [? I thought you don’t look?  and we’ll skip verbs left and right, but bitch, we use our adverbs.]

That night we all hanging at the club. You tell mr. d.j. wanna rub a dub. [I of course, immediately consulted my friend, Urban Dictionary, to investigate ‘rub a dub’ as I doubted that you and mr. d.j. wanted to bathe.  Imagine my amazement to find THIS!]

When I don’t look you a chance to ask my man to come and dance. [seriously, I don’t even have a clue.  I checked 3 lyrics websites, and they all list this one the same.  Any ideas?]

What me and he have got is solid as a rock, so take your shot. [sounds like it]
Don’t even waste your time. Cause a love like ours is hard to find. [As hard to find as losers in Ohio.]
(Oh Oh Oh Oh)(OH) Cause He’s got me singing that la la la [Is he you’re Opera coach?]

(OH) our love is strong yes it’s keeping me fortified. [Fortified?  Really?  As in ‘secured with bastions’ or ‘spiked with alcohol’?]
(OH) Oh yes he keep it rocking like la la la
(Sing) (Oh Oh Oh Oh) Ladies get it right, better get it right
(OH) He’s got me singing that la la la
(OH) So fall back, don’t be hit and you can’t deny
[what the hell are we even talking about anymore???  What is he rocking?  and Why is it like solfege syllables?]
(OH) Oh yes he keep it rocking like la la la
(Sing) (Oh Oh Oh Oh) Ladies get it right, better get it right
I hope you take this as a lesson learned. This ain’t that kind of party so just let it burn. [Unlike my last one, which totally was that kind of party.  I finally got my fish bowl not smelling like metal!]

The next time you see me act like you know. I don’t play those games, don’t take me for a joke [I don’t care if you really know.  Just act like you know.  Because me and man?  We fortified.]

Oh-Oh-Oh Oh Oh Yeah Rihanna
Here we go we got, we got, what him and me, we got, We got
[and just like Mrs. Murray taught is in 6th grade, you want to leave your story open at the end.  A cliffhanger, if you will.][Seriously, that’s how it ends.]

And they say that music today is banal and useless!  Well, BITCH, YOUR wrong.

Published in: on 23 April 2007 at 8*45 am  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I better do some downloading on iTunes…

  2. Boones! Wooooooooooo! I was two-fistin’ bottles of Boones at my 30th birthday bash! AWEsome!

  3. Great, now I have to rewrite my Master’s thesis. Thanks a lot.

  4. Fab, D, you’d better get to work.

    Broad, I wonder if Boone’s is especially relevant in the Reg. (not philbin) I just remember racing to the Valpo Walmart to try to get there before midnite on Saturday to see how much Boone’s (the green kind was my favourite. Not the translucent green, but the bright ass stuff) I could stock up on. Back in MY days (2003-4), that particular Walmart was known to carry said Boone’s farm for under $2 a bottle. I even once made slurpies from it. If that’s not Indiana, I don’t know what is.

  5. Hey, where’s Marie Osmond’s new face? Did she get a facelift? Isn’t that against Mormonism?

  6. You made me laugh out loud for the second time now…When the murderer song came out, the radio stations played it 3 million times in 2 days. Nuff said. So while at work it was stuck in my head and I too did ” a week shouting/singing “MURDERAH!” in my best Barbados-girl accent. ”

    now the time has passed and once in a while I will need to revisit my unprovoked, outta no where ‘MURDERAH” AND MINE IS SLIGHTLY deeper than hers, making it hard to scream…yet it effectivly confuses co-workers around me and amuses some. i also like to bust out a good rendition of “the final countdown” it is just as classy. some people actually join in on that one.

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