Episode 13- “More like Stinko de Gay-o.”

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, (which, happy birthday Callista, if I could figure out your damned e-mail address, I would e-mail, but, I am, first and foremost, a loser) JIM and I decided the most appropriate thing to do would be to go to a Cubs Game.  Unfortunately, the inherent yin v. yang, push v. pull, brown v. board of education of Topeka, KS, of the universe sent us on a colossal ping-pong ride that will go down in history.  (like your mom.)(especially the go down part.)

We decided to meed in Downer’s Grove and take the train to the EL.  I screwed up some plan-making procedures (sorry, K) and we missed our 9h40 express (downtown) train. MINUS 1!  (p.s., Tom Waits effing RULES.)(downtown train.  get it?)  Fortunately, we could run our asses off to catch the 9h45, not-so-express, stop at every effing place including, but not limited to, Berwyn.  (BER-wyn…)(If I used any more parentheses today, I’d be Linkin Park.)  We made the train! PLUS 1!

We settled our sorry asses on the train, and we started to relax.  Our seats WERE bleacher seats (general admission), so we needed to get there early.  “What’s that you said Jim?”  Tickets are still in the car. MINUS 1! We immediately get off at the next stop (heh) and WALK our asses back a whole ENTIRE 3/4 of a mile to the car to retrieve the tickets.  Fortunately, we made the 10h45 and were only going to be a few minutes late since we had left so early originally.  PLUS 1!  Now, here’s a special surprise that all of you who ride the Metra! know well.  We boarded this train to find THIS as our destiny. 

That’s right, the YELLOW TAG OF MIRTH!  This is the piece of cardboard the conductor-dude puts on your seat’s hoo-hah to show that you’ve already paid.  Secret: We had not paid, but someone had, and moved, and left us the glorious tag!  We were spared paying the $3.05 each!  PLUS 1!  This led me to thinking.  What if I could use this special tag everywhere? 

Parking ticket?  Nopes, got this tag!

Tax Evasion?  Dude, this tag gives me freedom?

Chlamydia?  I don’t think so!

We got to the game a little late, after riding the EL with a dude who was rolling his own marijuana cigarette and then smoking it between EL cars, balancing on the connector thing, + 1, some chick spilled dropped her beer on Jim TWICE, -2, we finally got to SIT in the 8th inning when the game got super boring, -1, we left just before everyone else, avoiding the mass exodus, +1, we got on the EL going the wrong direction, -1, and then got assaulted by a herpe-ridden prostitute, +1.  Oh, and the Cubs won. 

I took the yellow tag.  I’m going to go show it to my Parole Officer. 

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Published in: on 7 May 2007 at 8*57 am  Comments (9)  

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9 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Too bad you couldn’t bring Preshiss. She could have used a break from the register.

  2. I love the fact that in order to go see a game you had to play the plus one minus one to get to the game, and you both won….right? you murderahhhh

  3. i want a yellow ticket for when they ask for my car payment…”here ya go!”

  4. Wilson Phillips? Weren’t you like, what, 2 when that came out!??

    And the ticket thing doesn’t work, as evidenced by my $$$ of parking tickets in Chicago …

  5. willson phillips is rad. i was 14 when they were big.

  6. Um, I’m thinking at least one of them was always… big.

  7. i was gonna say that….but i….punked out.

  8. Ladies, WP debuted (debutted) in 1990, making me probably 7. So please. My mom listened to WLIT (the lite) so I knew “Release Me” backwords and backwords.

  9. wow i feel old…you know carnie…even with the lost weight…could have been Divine’s love child…they look similar in many ways…man i miss Divine…she was a classy he/she


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