Did jew know that Michigan is #1 in the country in Dry Edible Navy Bean production?  I used to live there.  Hence, I am a bean expert.  A frijolonado if you will.  I know about Green Beans, Wax Beans, Refried Beans, Lima Beans, and the like.  However, there are more beans with which I’m presuming you’re less familiar, and so I feel it my duty to re-bean you.   

Melissa BeanMelissa Bean.

Democratic member of the House of Representatives since 2004, representing the suburban Chicago neighbourhoods of Hoffman Estates, Schaumburg, and Palatine.  She’s also a bitch. 

Mr. Bean.

This lovable buffoon has been the star of a vast number of media productions with names ranging from Mr. Bean, all the way to Mr. Bean’s Holiday and Bean.  He’s not really that much of a bitch.  Hell of a schnozz though, am I right, Ladies and Gentlemen?!

Bean on The Match GameOrson Bean.

As seen on the match game.  I don’t know the fuck he is, but from the looks of the background, and my gameshow expertise, I’d say he had to sit by Brett Summers.  He was also Calvin Coolidge’s second cousin.  Brett Summers and Calvin Coolidge: Bitches.

Go to fullsize imageJim Bean.

This guy sure is sneaky.  Just when you think everything is rollin’ and this guy’s helping you have a grand ole time, you find out that that hot chick had a dirty medium-sized secret.  Or you were watching The Crying Game.  Bitch.

Beans performing at Coachella 2005Beans.

“Famous” rapper Beans hails from the ghettos of suburban White Plains New York.  He is the self-declared “Ornette Coleman of this rap-shit.”  If you don’t know about him, then you’re the bitch.

Go to fullsize imageFlicking Bean.


Go to fullsize imageFrances Bean.

With parenting like that, how can you go wrong?  At least she has a stable father. 

That’s all the beans I can think of right now.  Please contribute your own.  Best bean contribution wins a free supply of Bean-o.*

*hah.  Like that’ll happen.  

Published in: on 10 May 2007 at 8*23 am  Comments (14)  

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14 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. “A stable father.” That’s just wrong. Funny, though.

  2. lord. lord. lord. “Or you were watching The Crying Game. Bitch. lol. love this post. love it!!

  3. I dont want anyone flicking my bean

  4. Your blog is giving me gas.

  5. Well, I learned something new – thanks for spilling the beans.

    here from Mist1

  6. gas is relative.

  7. “Michigan is #1 in the country in Dry Edible Navy Bean production”

    Why do you know this? No, seriously, why?

  8. I am little concerned with that factioid myself. im not even sure i like beans.

  9. Mass Comment Reaction:

    I’m not afraid of joking about Kurt Cobain. He IS dead.

    It’s not the beans that give you gas, it’s the crazy amount of pot-smoking you’re doing.

    Dawn, I happen to KNOW facts about my state. Actually, I memorized them from some “Michigan Rules!” pamphlet we got in 2nd grade. [it was the only thing we were 1st in. Gotta be proud of something] We are also 2nd in Blueberries, only 4th in cherries, and, by my estimation, #1 in hating those losers from Ohio.

    Kamryn, thanks for visiting. Sorry that spelling class didn’t work out for you.

  10. Karmyn, looks like I spelled your name wrong after making fun of its spelling. Looks like I’M the bitch.

  11. LOL “Karmyn, looks like I spelled your name wrong after making fun of its spelling. Looks like I’M the bitch.” hahahhahahah bean egg on yer face…..

    actually…i did not know the blueberry fact….who is number one?? have anymore blueberry facts because i like them. beans, not so much.

  12. I do not know the blueberry thing. If i had to guess, i’d put my money on Delaware. Did you know they only have 3 counties? 3!!!!!

  13. “Karmyn, looks like I spelled your name wrong after making fun of its spelling. Looks like I’M the bitch.”

    What a tangled web we weave when we make fun of spelling.

  14. delaware? blueberries? 3 counties? who knew? well…isnt delaware only like 2 miles wide??

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