#’s 59-49

Can you feel that excitment in the air?  The tension is thick, like a fat person.   (i was always real good at similes)

This is, of course, another section of the notorious listJim helped. 

#59- Sinead O’Connor

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Jim says, “Nothing compares 2 U in suckiness.  Well, except maybe Cher.”

It scares me when anyone is that motivated.  Feels unnatural.  That’s why I prefer my public figures lazy and bored.   You know who else scares me?  The Irish

#58- Hanson

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Jim says, “It must be rough to lose a shot at legitimacy when you’re 8.”

I didn’t realize that Michelle Trachtenburg (Go to fullsize image)was in Hanson.  If you remember, Hanson sang a song entitled “MMbop”, K284.  (I just hope at least ONE person gets that.)  They talked about a rose during it or something.  Well, some green-screen dude decided they would be nice and twisted and threw up a big picture of a purple and yellow pansy behind them.  My hand to Thor, it was a pansy.  Knowing it was pansy, however, is nowhere near as gay as they are, so don’t even try it.  

#57- Michael Flatley

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Jim says, “Lord of the Douche.”

Have you ever wondered where your Vaseline went? 

#56- Mouseketeers

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Jim says, “For giving us the likes of Justin Timberlake.  And Annette Funicello.”

That’s right, all.  They made it onto the list too.  But apparently, individually, they are nowhere near as shittastic as the sum of their parts.  Even including former members such as Christina, Britney, Felicity (long hair), and Ryan Gosling (Who the f?), they are still worse in a pack. 

#55- O.J.

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Jim says, “The murderer, not the juice.”

Let’s all remember the real victims here.  Me.  Screw OJ, A.C. Cowlings was my hero, and that was STOLEN away from adolescent me unjustly.  I can never look at a White Bronco again without my pancrea twitching. 

#54- People Who Don’t Turn Right On Red

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Jim says, “Move, bitch, get out the way.”

I found this person trying to justify herself.  I don’t think so.  If you won’t pussy up and effing turn, then you deserve to be honked at.  No, you deserve to be honked.  I’m not sure what I mean by that, but take that! (Go to fullsize image)  I have to calm down; I’m feeling nearly as mustered as Sinead up there.  Where’d you hide my Xanax. 

#53- Phil Donahue

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Jim says, “At least he’s not Geraldo.”

I never knew why I hated this guy, until I realized his birthplace: OHIO!  Eeeww.  Also, what’s worse in this picture, Phil’s Specs or Oprah’s follicle tribute to the Rutger’s Woman’s Basketball team?

#52- V.U.P.D.

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Jim says, “Substitute your own lame-ass rent-a-cops here.”

They would arrest you for walking home drunk.  I’m just saying.  Arresting walking drunk people is NOT a good way to deter drunk driving.  Seems logical, huh?  Also, no one has EVER been as horny to give out parking tickets.  Ever. 

#51- Abercrombie and Fitch

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Jim says, “Abercrombie and F*ck.”

Although I hate Hollister much more for copying these asstards, I just don’t understand how people can spend that much money on clothes.  I get everything I need at Dollar General or out of that giant mail box-like thing out in front of the grocery store. 

#50- Eczema

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Jim says, “It sounds awful even if it weren’t a gross skin condition.”

This one really hits home.  You know who’s even LESS cool than the kid who’s allergic to eggs, milk, and wheat, AND has wicked Asthma?  The kid who’s got all that AND painful foot eczema.  Good thing I never knew anyone like that.  Would’ve kicked his ass.

#49- Jeff Gillooly

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Jim says, “With a name like Gilooly, it has to be a f*ck!”

Unlike Tanya, at least he got his job done.  Something to be said for a strong work ethic nowadays. 

It’s true!  I’ve been posting like crazy lately.  Don’t get used to it. 

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Published in: on 14 May 2007 at 9*01 am  Comments (16)  

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16 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. my picks are asstards and jeff gillooly. i can almost smell the slime steaming off that name…

    can i add Ikea to the list?? the wonderful store that will redo any room in your house for 300.00 and fill it with vunderful sveedish furniture….of course there is that 2000.00 shipping charge…so if you dont live near an IKEA …they might be on your mother fucker list…cause you want their stuff…but they just dont want you to have it.

  2. “the tension is thick like a fat person” bwaaahahahahahahahahahahahah///wait a minute…im fat. sniff sniff

  3. You ARE real good at Similacs.

  4. lol tee hee

  5. Actually, H, with a year-old-kid I AM good at similes AND similacs. I will honorarily add IKEA to the list, although after having such a long list (heh) I am worried after we hit number 1 that we will have a major let-down. We may need to go into the negatives, so then we’ll talk. Where exactly do you live that’s THAT far away?

  6. um. i live in newport pa, and the closest one (store) to me is philly…like 2 hours away. which is fine if you want a lamp. but not if yer buying all new kitchen cabinets or a new sofa.
    i really do like their stuff, but the shipping is brutal…i think they are actually paying someone to carry the fing sofa from philly…dumb swedish dont know about ups.

    i have 2 7 year olds so i know abour similacs too. mine didnt like it. they were isomil babes. and boob babes…but now its just tmi..so sorry

  7. Ryan Gosling is a good actor. I enjoyed The United States Of Leland. Good stuff. Spacey and Cheadle are in it, too.

    My brother has shitloads of allergies and full body eczema. Poor bastard is a walking snowstorm.

  8. ryan gosling?? huh??

  9. Yes, SPX, Goslo was in the aformentioned Mouseketeers. Along with the significant movie my compatriot Steve mentioned, he was also in “The Notebook.” *tear*

  10. i watched the notebook…sitting at a bar….slightly drunk….wondering where id gone wrong…and why i didnt have an effing notebook

  11. i suspect its because i caint spell jeasus-ly

  12. BTW i love my ultracool nickname SPX…sounds super important…like a secret govt project…

    “Andy,,,can you get me the demo on the SPX project stat!!”

  13. Some day Ryan Gosling will grow up to be a beautiful swan, and then you’ll be sorry.

  14. maybe…maybe not…he has a wierd looking face

  15. Ahh, I’m one of those people who won’t turn on red when it’s posted to not turn on red (because the corner usually has a lot of pedestrians). But they aren’t the reason I don’t turn. That sign gives me a legal reason to piss everyone off behind me. SCORE!

  16. […] an active time for me the last few years.  Years flying by with the excitement of the WB.  Years thick with enjoyment like a fat person.  I logged in today after asking wordpress to look up my password for me, and all that I missed in […]


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