On Martin Sexton (positivity?)

Believe it or not, I can be positive from time to time.  Not like the usual negativity from this categoire.  I like many kinds of music, and I resent people that say things like, “I like everything except country” or “Rap” or anything like that.  That’s not fair.  You clearly don’t know that there is good of EVERYTHING out there, eh?   That being said, I hate techno.   Maybe it’s ’cause I’m not much of a dancer, I don’t take E, and I’m a total klutz when it comes to glow-sticking. 

A good friend of mine from college, Stoner Tom, came to my room one day, and knowing that I was a music student, proclaimed that I HAD to hear this song he had downloaded from Napster.  (that’s right folks.  Back IN the day.)  It was a Martin Sexton song, “Can’t Stop Thinkin’ ‘Bout You”, to be specific.  And it was amazing.  He is an AMAZING guitar player, kick-ass singer, and my favourite, comes up with lines that would make Shakespeare jealous.  Okay, well probably not really.  Shakespeare would probably faint, or whatever it is they called it back then.  “Have a weakness.”  Whatever.

 Here is my favourite Martin Sexton line from all songs.  This one’s from “Freedom of the Road.”

“Up ahead a truck’s carryin’ a wide load/Pre-fab house cut in half/Cute little front door and two windows in all/I’m not sure whether to cry or should I laugh/See, I broke a home up myself once/When I stumbled through that door/Read the note by the dawn’s light/Said ‘Don’t you come ’round here anymore’

Now I’ve had enough/Of this freedom of the road/Never was good with decisions/Least that’s what I’ve been told/I’ve been holdin’ on to this ticket/’cause one day, I pay this toll/Magic road grants your freedom/to someone else, for I’ll be comin’ home.”

Yes indeed.  I tried to embed a video below.  I don’t know if it worked or not.  Otherwise, you can go to his myspace, and he will make you his friend, I promise.   I don’t wanna lump him in with bad company, but he has been numerous times and is currently my #1 most favouritest music person.   Unfortunately for him, other people that HAVE been on this list have included, but are not limited to, Excape, SWV, Klymaxx, and Einujohani Rautavaara.  Most of those are from before.  Just incase he is among the tens of the people who happen to read this, i want him to know that Joan Osborne* and Tom Waits were also tops of that list at times. 

Update!–embedding was a miserable failure.  Fuck it.  Just go here.

Another Update!–I think i got it!  Here?—-

*shut up.  Joan Osborne is effing awesome too.  Go check it out before you judge, whore.  Jim. 

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Published in: on 28 August 2007 at 6*52 am  Comments (21)  

On Mariah Carey/the ‘bitch’ is back

UPDATE:  When i wrote the below, “Banana Smoothie” was not available.  Clearly it came back, so I’m giving you a sample.  That’s what she said. 

Okay, fine.  Seems quite recently I was reviewed by humor-blogs.com to mixed successes.  Everything is clearly anonymous, but I would like to quickly majest whoever it was that was thrilled by my varied usage of the word ‘bitch.’  You, sir or madam, are quite certainly, most definitely, a bitch.  Thank you.

Also, many people decided that my “look” wasn’t so great.  Well, y’all, it’s tough when you’re too cheap to shell out money for a real format and have to use a template available for free by WordPress, aight?  “Thirteen” by Beccary wasn’t cutting it, and, since they removed “Banana Smoothie” much to me and heather’s disappoinment, you get the whimsical and enchanting “Vermillion Christmas.”  Remember, it is for YOU, my public, that I modify myself, much like a modern-day Eva Peron or Walter Mondale.  Alors, enjoy.

Go to fullsize image

Now, what was I saying.  Mariah Carey’s “Music Box” was the first CD I owned.  Shut up, no, and I’m married.  Nevertheless, from a very young age, I noticed that although Mariah had the musical prowess of one Dame Tetrazzini, her lyrics were somewhat less than operatic.   In a desperate attempt however, to not sound like a complete moron, Mariah always found a way to throw a ‘big’ word into the music, lest you think she less than genious in any way.  Some examples you ask?  Well, I suppose.  From “Heartbreaker,” and I quote:

“Even though I should/I can’t leave you alone/Cause you’re so disarming/I’m caught up in the midst of you/And I can not resist, oh/Heartbreaker you’ve got the best of me/But I just keep coming back incessantly/Oh why did you have to run your game on me?/I should of known right from the start/You’d go and break my heart”

So in a short span we have disarming AND incessantly.  This sounds more like Scripps-Howard than booty shaking, mi amiga.  Let’s see what else we’ve got.  How about some “Always Be My Baby”?  And I Quote:

“You’ll always be a part of me/I’m part of you indefinitely/Boy, don’t you know you can’t escape me/Ooh darling, ’cause you’ll always be my baby”

oo-WEE now we’re really stepping this shit up.  Clap it out, bitch, that’s five syllables.  In-Def-I-Nite-Ly.  It’s no wonder Mariah went to the funny farm for exhaustion.  You try rememberin’ all them big words n’ stuff.  Now, as is customary, I’ve found one particular Mariah nugget that’s just too good to wait until the end.  This Veteran-Appropriate number is perfectly suited for this taint between Memorial Day and the actual holiday that is the title of this opus, “Fourth of July.”  It’s hard not to read this and really feel proud of your country.  Here goes.

It was twilight [already rollin’ with the Shakespeare again, watch out!]

On the Fourth of July [Cuatro de Julio for those not in the know][not “julio”, really? it should be]

Sparkling colors were strewn across the sky [Strewn?  STREWN? in a pop song?  Where does Clive Davis get off?!?][No, Dyckerson, I don’t really want the answer to that, Gross.]

And we sat close enough that we just barely touched [It’s safer that way.  You don’t know WHO’s got Drug-Resistant-Tuberculosis these days.]

While roman candles went soaring above us and baby [Now maybe I’m misreading this, but you’re lighting roman candles around your baby?  I know I’m a few nominations away and a few convictions too many to be considered for Father of the Year, but even I know that fireworks and infants are rarely a successful combination.][oh, and for those of you making a list, we’ve got ‘twilight’, ‘strewn’, and ‘roman candles.’]

Then you put your hand in mine and we wandered away [Wandered?  Come on, Mariah!  How about meandered?  or jaunt?  Circumambulate?]

I was trembling inside but I wanted to stay [stay where?  I thought you were jaunting?]

Pressed against you there and leave the world behind [verb tense agreement be damned!]

On that Fourth of July


So starry eyed on the flowery hillside [Watch out, Willa Cather, I haven’t heard landscape descriptions this lesbian-y since My Antonia.]

Breathless and fervid amid the dandelions [Jesus, Mary, and Joseph you must be kidding me.]

As it swept over me like the wind trough the trees [“OMG, Get it guys?  Wind!  And I’m Mariah!  It’ll be TRANSCENDENT!”]

I felt you sigh with a sweet intensity and baby [“Uh-uh, baby.  That’s a roman candle of a different colour you be feelin’, if you know what i mean…”]

Then you put your hand in mine and we floated away [like, literally?] 

Delicately lay entwined in an intimate daze [Do you believe me know?  I’m not making this word thing up!  Try to get Fergie to sing “delicately lay entwined”.  She’ll probably end up singing something about Taco Bell or some shit.]

Go to fullsize image

A crescent moon began to shine and I wanted to stay tangled up with you among the fireflies [A quick shower now and again would take care of that, am I Right PEOPLE?]

On that Fourth of July


Thunder clouds hung around so threateningly ominously hovering [Holy shit!  Where were you, “Fourth Of July” when we were doing that poetry unit in Honors English 9?]

And the sky opened wide showering [Are we SURE we’re singing about the sky, Mar?]

Then you put your hand in mine and we ran from the rain [If that’s the showering I’m thinking of, then you’d run too, bitch.][whoever that one pro-‘bitch’ person was, you’re all gonna pay for it now.]

Tentatively kissed goodnight and went our separate ways [After all that?  ‘Ominously hovering thunder clouds’ and ‘crescent moons’ and only a tentative kiss?  Jeesh.]

And I’ve never truly felt the way that I felt the Fourth of July [Because now I’ve got genital herpes.]

And you thought Glitter! was bad.

Published in: on 6 June 2007 at 11*34 am  Comments (7)  

On Rihanna

I REALLY liked the song Unfaithful.  So much so that I went around for maybe a week shouting/singing “MURDERAH!” in my best Barbados-girl accent.  I knew she was capable of some serious crap, but until I heard her latest ‘hit’, I hadn’t deemed her worthy of my investigations.  Before we go on, let me list some lyrics from this number, “Umbrella”, for you to see just what let me to investigate her lyrical styles.  And I Quote:

“You had my heart and we’ll never be a world apart
Maybe in magazines, But you’ll still be my star
Baby ’cause in the dark you can’t see shiny cards
And that’s when you need me there with you I’ll always share
Because when the sun shines, we shine together
Told you I’d be here forever, said I’ll always be your friend
Tough enough, Imma stick it out to the end
Now that it’s raining more than never
Know that we’ll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella (x2)
ella ella eh eh eh under my umbrella (repeat)”

Although I don’t understand where ‘magazines’ came from, that last line is the real juicy one.  Especially when it is repeated.  And when she says ‘repeat’, she is serious, let me tell you.

And she sounds like a singing version of Miss Cleo

But after I heard her incessant chanting of “ella, eh” on the radio, I decided to look it up and see what other goodies I could find.  And find, I did.  Like scabies on a hobo, I found some rampant stuff.  From “Let Me”.  And I Quote:

“I’m walkin over to you meet me by the door
I’m the girl in the 7 inch heel I got my keys in my hand
Maybe s’s on my arms so guess you know what it is
So act like you know Cause a girl just wanna have fun
Knock it out the park for me Need ya to hit a home run boy”

What the hell does that even mean, I ask you?  and 7 inch heel?  they make those?  I’m so glad we at least got to the logic of, “i’m maybe wearing s’s, so act  like you know.”  How about the tune, “Selfish Girl.”  And I Quote:

“I’m a selfish girl when it comes to you every minute of the day
I’m addicted to what your giving me boy
it’s killing me when it comes to love I’m not trying share you might think
I’m greedy but I just don’t care
I need you in my world cause I’m a selfish girl”

And just what is this addictionCocainses?  Sporking?  Boone’s Farm? Go to fullsize image

We may never know.  What we should know, however?  The correct form of “YOUR”.  [i know it’s probably the website people, but still…]

My favourite nugget however, came from the epic tune, “That La, La, La.”  And I think you need the full goods for this one.  You know, my stuff’s in brackets.  And I gleefully quote:

(Oh) LA LA LA LA LA LA (Uh Huh) Yeah [yeah?]
(Oh) LA LA LA LA LA LA (OhOhOhOh) Sing it [I’m not sure if I got the words…]
(Oh) LA LA LA LA LA LA Come on [my insides are bleeding]
Oh LA Oh LA Oh LA Oh LA Oh [sing the DAMN SONG ALREADY!]

You said we girls but all the while, you look at my man with a funny smile. [funny how?  Like Clown funny?  Or Marie Osmond’s new face funny?][But, bitch, we girls! We’ont need verbs!]

Now I don’t look it might be me, but ain’t no need to bump so tightly. [? I thought you don’t look?  and we’ll skip verbs left and right, but bitch, we use our adverbs.]

That night we all hanging at the club. You tell mr. d.j. wanna rub a dub. [I of course, immediately consulted my friend, Urban Dictionary, to investigate ‘rub a dub’ as I doubted that you and mr. d.j. wanted to bathe.  Imagine my amazement to find THIS!]

When I don’t look you a chance to ask my man to come and dance. [seriously, I don’t even have a clue.  I checked 3 lyrics websites, and they all list this one the same.  Any ideas?]

What me and he have got is solid as a rock, so take your shot. [sounds like it]
Don’t even waste your time. Cause a love like ours is hard to find. [As hard to find as losers in Ohio.]
(Oh Oh Oh Oh)(OH) Cause He’s got me singing that la la la [Is he you’re Opera coach?]

(OH) our love is strong yes it’s keeping me fortified. [Fortified?  Really?  As in ‘secured with bastions’ or ‘spiked with alcohol’?]
(OH) Oh yes he keep it rocking like la la la
(Sing) (Oh Oh Oh Oh) Ladies get it right, better get it right
(OH) He’s got me singing that la la la
(OH) So fall back, don’t be hit and you can’t deny
[what the hell are we even talking about anymore???  What is he rocking?  and Why is it like solfege syllables?]
(OH) Oh yes he keep it rocking like la la la
(Sing) (Oh Oh Oh Oh) Ladies get it right, better get it right
I hope you take this as a lesson learned. This ain’t that kind of party so just let it burn. [Unlike my last one, which totally was that kind of party.  I finally got my fish bowl not smelling like metal!]

The next time you see me act like you know. I don’t play those games, don’t take me for a joke [I don’t care if you really know.  Just act like you know.  Because me and man?  We fortified.]

Oh-Oh-Oh Oh Oh Yeah Rihanna
Here we go we got, we got, what him and me, we got, We got
[and just like Mrs. Murray taught is in 6th grade, you want to leave your story open at the end.  A cliffhanger, if you will.][Seriously, that’s how it ends.]

And they say that music today is banal and useless!  Well, BITCH, YOUR wrong.

Published in: on 23 April 2007 at 8*45 am  Comments (6)  

On Tyrese

Much has been said about hip-hop/R&B singer Tyrese’s strange alter-ego, Black Ty.  Yours truly doesn’t really see the problem….after all, this country practically ran on Chris Gaines for the mid-to-late 90’s.  [sidebar—the Chris Gaines wikipedia page is written as if the whole facade were true—it’s damned creepy…]  In fact, I always thought Tyrese was a decent singer and had always released songs that were kinda catchy.  The thought that he would one day end up in such great company in this category was but a twinkle in my eye….until yesterday.  (to be explained…just be patient for a damned minute…)

Tyrese wants you to know that he is straight.  Maybe it’s because he was in Playgirl back in the day, or perhaps that he modeled for Tommy Hilfiger, but for some reason, playa wants you to know that he is down with hoes, not bros.  Sorry, Jim, Dyck

Anyway, his first explanation of exactly how he finds his women comes from the tune “Housekeepin’.”  And I Quote:

“Ohhhh, do I got a story to tell, An unexpected one. Ohhhh, woke me out of my sleep one Sunday morning, I said who’s at the door, she repeating housekeeping, housekeeping. I thought the sign on the door said do not disturb. I had to stop myself from getting mad after I seen her. I couldn’t believe my eyes, she had a sexy something bout her, Made me wanna give a try, but I know it’s the hotel policy, And I’ll be breaking all the rules if I let her get a piece of me. Whoaa (Mail box of Tyrese. What would you like to do?) Find. (Messages or numbers?) Messages. (You have two new messages.  First message is from Nicki) Housekeepin’, housekeepin’ (Hey sweetie, this is Nicki, the housekeeper, this is the fir–, I’ve never done anything like that before.  I just wanted to say I had a great time, and it was refreshing to meet a real gentlemen. ….A hot piece.)”

You like that, don’t you?  I love the serendipity of the thing—nothing would’ve happened if she hadn’t disregarded that pesky DND sign…  It’s romance.  And what I wanna know is how did he know it was hotel policy?  Has this happened before Tyrese, that a ‘hot piece’ of housekeeper accidentally came onto you when she was not reading signs?  The life of a legend, I suppose.  p.s. thanks for the direct quote from your answerphone.  Wouldn’t’ve believed you otherwise….

But no!  Tyrese has his eye on a certain type of woman, that may include but is not limited to your standard hotel housekeeper!  No, he wants an “All Ghetto Girl.”  And I Quote:

“I need a girl named Lakeisha, Tonya, Tameka, Tawanda Rasheeda, Ashonda, Shaneiqa, and Shawna Karen, Pam, Tina, ooh yeah, Brenda, Kenya and Natalie oh Kenya you do it for me Never wanna go to an R&B/Hip Hop show, never wanna go see hip hop it’s funny but I had more fun when I had no dough, I need a girl from the ghetto oh yes I do baby; I need an all ghetto girl, I need a bad motha with designer toes, tatoo and some gold, straight up ghe-tto, dont matter if I aint got no dough, shes gonna be my boo gonna be my crew, ohhhhh”

I LOVE the crazy-fun interpretation of how to spell ‘tatoo.’  Wow, is he worldly!  Let’s check on the ghe-tto-ness of these names shall we?  Feel free to interject your opinions if you feel I’m wrong.

Lakeisha  —definitely ghetto

Tameka   —quite ghetto….just ask the white girl from Deal Or No Deal…

Shaneiqa  —so ghetto it’s not even a real name!

Karen       —What? 

Pam        —Like from The Office?

Brenda  —Dude, this was not supposed to be an exercise in naming women.  I have NEVER met a ghetto girl named Brenda.  Seriously. 

If you recall from up above, until yesterday, I didn’t even know that these hidden album gems existed, because I hadn’t bothered to look!  All Tyrese songs that I knew seemed trite and banal and fine.  That is, until I heard the song, “Signs Of Love Makin'” yesterday on Power 92.  That’s ‘#1 in the streets’ to you, thank you.  Although I think by playing this song alone, that had to have gone down to at least number #42.  I need to bust out the parenthetical rancor for this shit….  And I Quote:

It’s not my ego ya’ll that’s just the way it is [damn straight.]

showbiz like no biz [like Showbiz Pizza?!?! That place was way RADICAL!]

I love girls throughout my whole career [Seriously.  I love girls.  Girls. Lots of them.  My WHOLE career.  Always.  I promise.]

From suburb chicks to the cuties on the bus stop [Oh, those crazy girls ON the bus stop.  I love them.]

Church girls all the way up to the movie stars [Jesus loves that the ‘Church Girls’ are considerably below ‘Movie Stars’.  He’s thrilled.]

I’m not trippin when it come down to the woman. [See?  Loves me some woman.]

‘Rese is down with all signs.  Oh let me tell ya’ll something [All the signs?  I’m a little confused…colour me piqued…]

These are the zodiac signs that I wanna make love too [Oh shit, you didn’t.  A Zodiac song?!]

The zodiac signs that I wanna get next too [somebody alert Miss Cleo again…]

See I ain’t trippin when it comes down to these girls [If I tell you that I believe you’re straight, will you shut up about it aldamnready?]

We are the world, we are the world [where the HELL’D that come from?]

Ladies let me tell you all about the Capricorn [ah yes, of course, the goat!]

See when it comes to sex it’s guaranteed some babies will be born […ooooookay…still waiting for the goat part…]

See I’ve got three of ‘um from listening to the 12-play [note to self: find out what the hell is a 12-play/avoid it]

Aquarius I tell you they can go from night till day [what about the damned goat!? Focus!]

I met a Scropio (Damn) [Damn? Scorpios are that bad?  Don’t tell Hillary Clinton!]

She had no limit to where she’d go (Oh, yeah) [What, did she have a Greyhound pass?]

She was so damned sexual [what parallel universe are you living in where ‘sexual’ rhymes with ‘go’, huh? ]

She said, Tyrese are you ready for me [i doubt it, after hearing all this goat talk..]

I’ll do anything to fulfill your needs [translated; “i will give you a ride to the soup kitchen”]

Tell me what you want, and I got you babe [like Sonny & Cher!]

I’ll smack it from the side [the hell you will!]

While I’m grabbing them thighs [okay maybe…i like the way you call me ‘brenda’.]

Now I know what zodiac signs are all about [well, that makes 1 of us.  I’m still waiting for an explanation over here!]

These are the zodiac signs that I wanna take shopping [of course.]

The zodiac signs that I wanna take club-hoppin [because what else rhymes with shoppin’?  Stoppin’?  Floppin’?  Toppins?]

See I ain’t trippin when it comes down to these girls

We are the world, we are the world [again?  you needed to do that twice?]

(Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Gemini) I see in the club with your hands held real high [oh, here we go.  A real rhyming challenge!  So far, so good!]

(Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra) The way you treat your boy, I’d do anything for ya [you’re cheating and ‘Libra’ —> ‘ya’ is the best you can do?]

(Sagittarius, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius) See I ain’t gonna front it; it’s all of ya’ll I really love [Awful rhyming showing.  And we went through this whole damn thing just to figure out that you like ’em all!?!  And I didn’t learn a damn thing!  Off to wikipedia again…]

And there you have it my friends.  Tune in to your local urban station, and you may just hear this nugget of joy.  I hope for your sake that you do.  Good luck and God speed. 

Published in: on 30 January 2007 at 9*08 pm  Comments (1)  

On Britney Spears

Now, to me, BS has always been an easy target.  She is easily snarked upon.  I didn’t really want to be one of those people jumping on the bandwagon.

However, with Britney’s approval ratings (like anyone measures that shit, can you imagine pollsters checking on that?) skyrocketing, now seems to be the perfect time to knock the ho down a level!  Although her naughty bits seem to making quite the paparazzi buzz these days, it is clear that Britney gets her true talent from her heart.  Her exposed bathing-suit-area is just the ornaments.  I will begin by harking back to an early Britney submission, the popular tune, “Soda Pop.”  And I quote:

“We have a plan, we have a definite plan
To level the vibes (vibes)
To level vibes agian (ooh-yeah)
See Where ya ba-do for a superlative self, oh yeah
A wicked time to the end, oh yaeh, so
Mm-hmm soda pop, watch it fizz and pop (ooh)
The clock is tickin and we can’t stop (can’t stop)
So much pop we’re losing, sittin watchin the clock
So turn the tables baby, let’s go over top (take it to the top now)
No one else will do
I’m waiting for you
So me what’cha got, just take a pop shot
And we will never stop shu-bop, shu-bop yeah, mm-hmm”

mm-hmmm.  I’m glad someone’s taking an interest in leveling out those damned vibes.  Someone’s gotta do it, am I right LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?  And as much as I luv (when talking about Britney, might as well talk LIKE Britney…) spelling mistakes on lyrics websites, I’d really like to applaud BS for including the word superlative.  Watch out Mensa, HERE WE COME!

When I read it a second time, it REALLY sounds like an Alka-Seltzer commercial.

But Britney wasn’t always this promiscuous.  No, no!  Back in the day Britney was a sweet little schoolgirl, morphing her way into woman hood.  Go to fullsize imageMuch like a pupa.  Yes, a pop star, pupa of a woman.  (or larvae, you pick.)  See: “Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman”.  And I Quote:

“I used to think I had the answers to everything
But now I know
That life doesn’t always go my way
Feels like I’m caught in the middle
That’s when I realize
I’m not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time, a moment that is mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a girl”

I am pretty sure that if only this song came out earlier that it would’ve been used in The Crying Game.  Right?  If it’s not already, this could DEFINITELY be an anthem for the transgendered community.  Move over, “I Will Survive”, BS in the house. 

But, as time progressed, Britney became more woman-like.  And by woman-like, we mean, a whore.  A trampy whore.  No more “E-mail My Heart” Britney.  (seriously)  Now we’ve got, “Early Mornin'”.  And I Quote:

“I was shaking my ass in the streets this morning
Just walked in and it’s early morning
Bump bump till the break of dawning
It don’t stop till the early morning
Passed out on the couch I’m yawning
Just walked in and it’s early morning
Bump bump till the break of dawning
It don’t stop till the early morning
Oh, in love
So I approached him
We gotta give him his friends
There’s something ‘bout him that show
So I said, what the hell
Let’s go
Got up, got on the dance floor
Hooked up with a guy named Joe
When the music was fast and slow
But have a next guess
But you don’t wanna know”

Not only is she shaking her ass in the streets, but, it was until the ‘break of dawning’!  That’s my favourite time.  Dawning.  I love misused gerunds as much as the next guy, but please, BS, you’re nouning it? 

Also, I REALLY love how she hooked up with a guy named Joe.  That’s a lot of information there.  It’s great when proper nouns can be added to songs solely for the purpose of making easy rhymes.  Like when Michelle Bratoscewicz wrote a poem in Ms. Doele’s 9th grade English Class about a man named Kindow.  I loved that poem.  A tragic ending though.  Tragic. 

But, alack.  Thine time hath cometh for thee famed parenthetical rancor!  (I don’t know where the hell that came from.  It sure makes me think of Mediaeval Times though.  ‘Wouldst thou careth for more mediaeval Pepsi?!?’)  Enjoy, bitches.  From the anti-germophobe anthem, “Breathe On Me.”  And I regretfully Quote:

Ohh, it’s so hot, and I need some air. [It’s my asthma.  It flares up when I get my SKANK OHNN!]
Oh boy, don’t stop ‘cuz I’m halfway there. [ummm…][“cuz”–i love it.]
It’s not complicated, it’s just syncopated, [Okay, now to this, I take offense.  Complicated and syncopated are not opposites.  They’re not even related.  Syncopated is usually a music term, and I don’t want to get weird on you, but syncopation IS usually complicated.  And what in Joseph’s name is IT?  I get that IT may not be complicated, but that same IT is most CERTAINLY not syncopated][bitch]
We can read each other’s minds. [like Miss Cleo!]
One love united, two bodies synchronizing, [Love?  Seriously?  In what LOVE-erly relationship is their syncopated synchronizing I ask thee.][can’st stoppeth]
Don’t even need to touch me, [how’s that gonna work?]

Baby, just…Breathe on me.  [Ohhh.  Right, of course.  I’m not sure if this is supposed to be erotic or some sort of strange solution to her aforementioned ass-mar situation.]
Baby just, breathe on me.
We don’t need to touch, just breathe…
[Fine, enough, we get it…breathing, no touching…fine…just like a 900 number.  Let’s move it a-LONG, bs.]
Ohh, this is way beyond the physical (it’s a way beyond the physical). [Oh, and just so you know…it’s way beyond the physical.][Is it really?  Is it SO way beyond the physical that it’s “a way beyond the physical”? Then what is it, if not physical, i ask. ]
Tonight, my senses don’t make sense at all.  [oh, you clever little bitch.  get it?  senses, sense..I love homonyms.  or Homophones or synomyns or whatever the hell they are.][I was going to change it, but look at that last one, “synomyns”.  Say it out loud once.  Hungry, aren’t you?]
Our imagination, takin’ us to places, [just like Mark Kistler would’ve wanted!]
We have never been before.
Take me in, let it out,
[I don’t like where this is going….]
Don’t even need to touch me, [Dammit, BS.  again!  Enough repeating!]
Baby, just… [I skipped the chorus repeat because I’ve had enough damn breathing all-effing ready.]
Monogamy is the way to go,
Just put your lips together… and blow.
[what can really be said here?  really.  I don’t know if a whistle joke is appropriate, or what.  I just know that those two lines are something truly special.  Shit like that’s platinum, baby.]

So, I hope you had fun.  Sorry it’s been so long.  If you read around, you’ll notice that Grad School can really suck the life out of people.  So as you go along your day, please remember some important advice:

Monogamy IS the way to go.  Thank you, BS.  Thank you.

 

Published in: on 7 December 2006 at 9*13 pm  Comments (2)