What IS the deal with Scientology? (Tom Cruise Sucks)

“The Aims of Scientology”- by L. Ron Hubbard

“A civilization without insanity, without criminals, and without war, where the able can prosper and honest beings can have rights, and where man is free to rise to greater heights, are the aims of Scientology.”

This is what you get to read if you go to the wonderfully informative and creepy Scientology website. I have always considered myself to be an open and accepting person, but Scientology is one thing that I just have yet to really be ‘okay’ with. The word literally means, “knowing how to know,” (Dictionary.com) which anyone who’s ever taken an Ed Class or two (retch) would agree sounds like something that Glasser wanted us to do, or something Bloom put in his silly taxononomy. (I know it’s taxonomy. Special little insider there for the VU peeps. Viva la Del!) According to the Scientology website, however, Scientology literally means, “The study of the truth.” Sorry guys, looks like the people that categorize and organize words beg to differ!

Please find some of my favourite quotes from the Scientology website. Mmm, delicious.

“Man is an immortal, spiritual being.”

“In Scientology, no one is asked to accept anything as belief or faith.”

“The most important of the three parts of man is the thetan, which is the spirit, or you.” (I’m the most important part of me? Get out!)

“Quite in addition to physiological damage (??), drugs decrease mental alertness and perception and can contribute to many undesirable states, from unfeeling to hostile.”

“Scientology is the most vital movement in the earth today.”

Okay! Anyone getting creeped out yet? At this website, there is this quote:”As far back as 1955, Hubbard acknowledged the value of famous people to his fledgling, offbeat group when he inaugurated ‘Project Celebrity’.” This whole page talks about the Church’s movement to recruit celebrities because they give “Greater accessibility in mainstream America.” Yikes.

What brings up this particular distaste? Well, I’ve always been a little scared of Tom Cruise , but recently, Comedy Central has pulled an episode of South Park because it has attacked Scientology. Personally, Scientology is a big target that I am surprised they hadn’t already lampooned. The Onion has a section called “American Voices” where they ask “real people” about current events, and the sardonic responses for today were really hilarious. Really damn good. Here’s the quotes…..

“Leave the Scientologists alone, already. Don’t they have enough to worry about, what with the tyranny of the galactic God Xenu and his evil body thetans?”

“Comedy Central has already insulted Scientology with its glib representations of battling robots.”

“I’m with Isaac Hayes. Shows about testicles, talking feces, and starving Africans are one thing, but discussing Scientology is offensive.”

I don’t really know what I’m at all trying to say here, besides that I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m too Lutheran, or too Protestant, or something, but it just does not make sense to me. Jeepers.

Moving on briefly to how Tom Cruise is Bat-Shit Crazy. We’re talking Whitney Houston style. Here are some Tom Cruise goodies:

Celebrity Snarkentology

TVGasm on Tom

and my absolute favourite, TomCruiseIsNuts.com , which has a section entitled “others on Tom”, featuring quotes about Tom Cruise, my favourite of which comes from our very own Chicago Tribune , and I quote: “If vitamins and exercise explain why Tom Cruise is so, um, knowledgable and well-grounded, pass the Prozac!”

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Published in: on 21 March 2006 at 4*01 pm  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. Too Lutheran? Weren’t you Not Lutheran as little as two years ago? Poser!

    I keeed, I keeed. :)


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